Honourable Mentions (that’s right, these didn’t even make the cut)
If you’ve flown within the United States on one of their domestic carriers, chances are you’ve seen a SkyMall catalog. Tucked into the pocket of the seat in front of you, SkyMall reaches about 88% of all domestic air passengers, around 650 million air travelers annually.
They also have a robust online catalog with plenty of random products for your viewing pleasure. I happened to stumble across their ‘Garden Sculptures‘ section and had to share what can only be described as utterly ridiculous lawn ornaments. Here’s my Top 13:
13. THE PERCHED DRAGON
Nothing says, ‘get off my lawn’ like a perched dragon. Cross his path and he’ll flame your ass. (product link)
12. HUMPTY DUMPTY
If you’re a predator you might enjoy this Humpty Dumpty lawn ornament. It looks, smiles and feels; utterly creepy. (product link)
11. ZANE THE ZEBRA
For that upscale-suburban chic feel, look no further than Zane the Zebra. His majestic stripes will dazzle and delight (product link)
10. TREEBEARD
Show a ‘Tolkien’ of your appreciation for Lord of the Rings with this miniature Treebeard classic. A must for any mystical nerd. (product link)
9. THE TEN COMMANDMENTS
Thou Shalt Buy This Ornament. Or thou shalt go to hell. (product link)
8. THE LAST GASP
Immortalize the magical moment when a living creature takes its last breath. Thrust out of its home with a metal hook, watch as this little fella takes his final gasps. Simply stunning. (product link)
7. BALANCING ROCKS
Show off your Zen with this fake set of balancing rocks. Don’t waste precious time trying to balance stupid rocks when you can just purchase this amazing lawn ornament. Learn how to cheat and you don’t need to learn anything else. (product link)
6. HERBERT THE HIPPO
If a hippopotamus lawn ornament doesn’t impress you, nothing will. And I pity you for that. (product link)
5. HOBO HARRY
Everyone knows homeless people live in sewers, that’s why they call them man-holes. Show some man-love and give Hobo Harry a new home. (product link)
4. THE SWAMP BEAST
Give the elderly a coronary with this life-like replica. The swamp beast will give you daymares and eat your children. Caveat Emptor. (product link)
3. ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE
Are you prepared for the Zombie Apocalpyse? Give your family time to escape with these lawn ornaments proven to fool real zombies into thinking you’re already done for. Brains not included. (product link)
2. MOTHER EARTH IS WATCHING YOU
If trees had faces this is exactly what they would look like. If you want to live in a world where trees have faces you need to buy this ornament. (product link)
1. BARRY BIGFOOT/SAMMY SASQUATCH/RETURN OF THE YET-I
Buy this lawn ornament and you will become irresistible to women. Make her loins burn with this proclamation of alpha-male superiority. (product link)
If you enjoyed this article, the Sifter highly recommends: 10 Awesome USB Gadgets
