Are you married?
Or thinking about getting married?
Or maybe you WERE married at one point?
Well, whatever the case, take a look at these tweets about married life because they are hilarious and they might remind you of your own marriage…or what’s coming next…or what you used to have to deal with…
Or whatever…
The bottom line is that you’re gonna laugh!
1. Sofa City, pal.
He stepped over the line.
Growing old together is fun. I make fun of my husband’s old man socks and we laugh and we laugh and he makes fun of my old lady shoes and we laugh and we laugh and he sleeps on the couch.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 5, 2022
2. That’s enough!
You’ll never live this one down.
I accidentally used my cat’s shampoo, and now my wife takes pictures of me every 15 minutes.
— John to the World 🌎 (@JohnJokewriter) August 13, 2022
3. Sorry about that…
You better figure it out!
marriage preparation books fail to mention that husbands will be expected to know the difference between regular tweezers and "the good tweezers"
— 🎃👻💀Dead Moon Rising💀👻🎃 (@raoulvilla) September 1, 2022
4. Not you!
This is for the most important member of the family.
My husband just asked me in the kindest voice if I wanted some water, and I said, "You know, I'd love some water?" And I turned around and he was carrying the dog's water bowl to her….(Reader, he was not asking me if I wanted water.)
— Ada Limón (@adalimon) August 9, 2022
5. OMG.
That’s really bad.
Whenever I’m worried I messed up with my wife I remember that time my brother gave an anniversary card to his current wife on the date of his first marriage
— Sprinkles the clown 🇨🇦 (@fozzie4prez) August 30, 2022
6. Really, really great.
That’s the only reasonable response.
Wife: How does this outfit look? Wait, I shouldn't ask you. You're just going to say, "Great."
Me: Maybe I was going to say something different this time.
Wife: How does it look?
Me: Really great.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 4, 2022
7. Running a little bit late…
She sure messed this one up.
I’m not saying this clock the wife got from Kmart is shit, but the alarm didn’t go off this morning and the time is now 9:77 pic.twitter.com/fORGAUyhGw
— Liam Sheedy (@Sheeds1984) August 14, 2022
8. Way too late.
What took you so long?!?!
Apparently, when your wife is not talking to you, the best time to ask her "What's wrong?" is not 3 days later.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) August 20, 2022
9. This is very true.
Might as well just get used to it.
for every year you're married, your husbands body grows a new patch of hair in a location it should not be in.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) September 2, 2022
10. That’ll teach you.
Sounds good, doesn’t it?
I never wanted to live alone until I was married
— Sprinkles the clown 🇨🇦 (@fozzie4prez) September 2, 2022
11. You’re clearly in charge.
And he won’t mess with you…
Establish dominance by asking your spouse what they want for dinner first thing in the morning.
— Killer Candy Corn 👻🎃 (@sixfootcandy) August 23, 2022
