Does the perfect marriage exist?
Well, if it does, we’d like to know about it, because we haven’t heard about it yet!
And these 12 tweets about the hilarity and unpredictability of marriage are definitely gonna look familiar to folks out there who are hitched.
Enjoy! And go easy on your spouse, will ya?
1. You’re in big trouble.
It was nice knowing you.
Hell hath no fury like a woman who told you exactly where something is but now has to get it herself because you couldn't find it.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 16, 2022
2. Don’t say a word.
You’ll regret it!
Been listening to my wife talk about her work drama and I’m trying to think of the best way to let her know I love her but I think I’m on Denise’s side on this one.
— The Dad (@thedad) October 18, 2022
3. What a dummy.
He should know better.
My husband listens to me like he doesn’t realize there’s going to be a quiz later.
— Darla (@ddsmidt) November 3, 2022
4. Enough!
This is what Hell is like.
Marriage is amazing because you learn lots of things about yourself. For example, today I learned that my favorite shade of beige curtains is I DON’T CARE PLEASE JUST PICK ONE I’M IN HELL
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) November 15, 2022
5. LOL.
She’ll correct you!
I love when my husband says, “correct me if I’m wrong,” like I would pass up that opportunity.
— MumOfTwo (@MumOfTw0) November 15, 2022
6. That’s HOT.
The thrill is still there!
DATING: Goodnight
ENGAGED: Sweet dreams
MARRIED: Is the car locked?
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 15, 2022
7. Might as well.
Maybe you’re not being clear…
Not sure if my wife didn't hear me say I was coming down with a cold or if she is ignoring me. Guess I'd better mention it another 67 times.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 18, 2022
8. A real loudmouth.
Keep it down!
Imagine dating, falling in love, getting married, having kids, and only then realizing that the person you chose is literally incapable of whispering
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) November 1, 2022
9. How dare he…?
That guy is gonna get it.
The audacity of my husband not understanding exactly what I’m talking about when I start my sentence halfway through a thought
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) November 13, 2022
10. All over the house.
It’s what marriage is all about.
Marriage is 33.7% hiding to eat snacks because you and your spouse are supposed to be on a diet.
— Ousa the Christmas Goosa (@MedusaOusa) November 7, 2022
11. That’ll show him.
This is the way it’s done.
Establish dominance in your marriage by watching all 7 seasons of Gilmore Girls under your husband's Netflix profile
— An Apple Hat (@AnAppleHat) November 1, 2022
12. You remember, right?
How could you forget?!?!
I'm your wife. You might remember me from such hits as "We are leaving in two minutes" and its sequel "Why are you in the shower?"
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) November 10, 2022
