It’s no secret that there are still places in this world that are dominated by men – and that some men would like to keep it that way.
Academia can be one of those spaces, and OP is finding out firsthand what challenges being one of the only females in her area presents – and she’s really not amused.
Background: I’m (F23) one of only a few female students in a male-dominated course. Furthermore, I am at a highly prestigious university and I haven’t really gotten along with the guys on my course.
They are all very competitive and I just don’t really enjoy their company – everything turns into a pissing contest, and they definitely take me less seriously because I’m a woman.
I stopped interacting with them beyond the mere minimum and choose to hang out with other people.
Two things happened after she earned one of the top grades on a few recent exams, which earned her recognition from the professor.
Anyway:
I did well in our recent exams (I topped two out of four exams we had so far). Our prof congratulated me during class (I wouldn’t have advertised this myself). Ever since then, my interactions with a specific group of male classmates have gotten weird.
They’re now outright rude and challenge me aggressively in class discussions.
First, her male classmates did a pointed presentation on “pretty privilege,” which is how woman are supposedly marked higher by teachers.
We recently had some presentations and one of them chose to do theirs on, to put it simply, “pretty privilege” – they specifically pointed to two papers that suggested that pretty female students get overscored in assessments.
The other guys in the group snickered and one even gave me a wink. Afterwards, I heard them in the hallway joking that “they had experience with that themselves”.
Second, they are insinuating – in front of her peers and teachers – that the fact that she’s been on a few dates with an unrelated PhD candidate means she’s somehow cheating.
I’ve been seeing a PhD student within our department for a month. He has literally nothing to do with our course. Well, we ran into one of my course mates A together. The next day in class his friend B asked me if “my boyfriend” helped me with exams.
He said this intentionally loudly and in front of the professor, who heard this. I replied that I don’t have a boyfriend (cause he’s not my bf), but then B pointed out that he had run into me with the PhD student, making a point to say his name (the prof knows him).
I just replied that we’re only friends.
They didn’t let up – I heard that they discussed this thing in two more classes, in earshot of the professors. Both times they suggested I got help for my exams ( I wasn’t even seeing him then).
I didn’t confront them, but this has been causing me so much anxiety – even without the exam accusations, I worked hard to get here and I don’t want to be known among the faculty for my dating life.
She went to a female faculty member to get advice on how to handle it. The older woman insisted she be allowed to email these classmates’ supervisors and of course, since there aren’t many women in the program, they figured out who complained.
I raised this issue with my supervisor, without the intention of taking it any further, but I wanted her advice as a woman in academia. She convinced me to let her email their supervisors “to remind them of proper conduct” and described their treatment of an “unnamed female student”.
She didn’t name me, but they figured it out. They confronted me after class and asked my why I would report their “silly joke“.
Now her male classmates are accusing her of not being able to take a joke (serious side-eye) and potentially costing them a scholarship.
Apparently, their supervisors are now very cold towards them and less interested in helping. It’s not a formal complaint – only their supervisors know – but one of them, C, said his supervisor writes the reports for his financial aid/scholarship and it was my fault if he lost out on that.
She’s wondering if she took things too far – will Reddit agree?
I now feel a bit embarrassed and this was compounded by a friend telling me I took it to far cause C shouldn’t lose out on his scholarship.
So, reddit – AITA?
Let’s find out!
The top comment says OP absolutely should not be sorry.
Image Credit: Reddit
This person reminds OP that any consequences were fairly earned.
Image Credit: Reddit
And this one wants to mention that they could have cost her a few things, too.
Image Credit: Reddit
This person says this kind of thinking really needs to go.
Image Credit: Reddit
This comment says there’s no time like the present to start changing things.
Image Credit: Reddit
I truly hope those guys learned a lesson they will carry with them into the workforce.
They probably didn’t, though.
