When people live together (or have children together), they typically share expenses to the best of their ability. 50/50 might be ideal, but if one person makes a lot more (or one person stays home to provide child care), then contributions can be more one-sided.
OP and her boyfriend have typically split things a bit unfairly because he still supports a (grown) sister who doesn’t have a job.
My boyfriend grew up in a poor family. He makes decent money nowadays, but he is the only one with stable income in his family.
His sister (23) is a leech but he has a blind spot for her. She is irresponsible, totally anti-work (“why waste time working when you have to live your life”) and she despises me for kicking her out a year ago.
During Covid I let her move into my apartment and while my boyfriend and I went camping for a weekend she threw a huge party and trashed my place. Of course my boyfriend took her side but he didn’t have any say in it – it was my apartment.
Nowadays she is straight up rude to me, she’s always saying “can’t wait till he breaks up with you”, she puts his whole family against me. Apparently my boyfriend still funds everything in her life. She just has his card info and uses it without the limits.
Now that OP is pregnant and unable to work as many hours, things have gotten quite a bit tighter. She’s made sure they’re both doing 50/50, which means her boyfriend is home less because he’s got to work overtime.
So I got pregnant and money got tight, I can’t work as much anymore due to my health so I started counting money and it turned out I covered 70% of expenses of our joint life.
I had a talk with my boyfriend and we agreed we will go more 50/50. Turns out to meet the 50% he has to take overtime, he basically lives at work now.
OP is having to make a room into a nursery on her own, although he did give her his card information to help with the expenses.
Which was great until she went to use his card, only to realize it was overdrawn because his sister already spent a bunch of money.
I had to renovate my spare room into a nursery on my own, but my boyfriend gave me his bank info so we can share the expense. I couldn’t buy a thing with his card.
Logged in into his account and it turns out his little sister spent over 3k on her stuff during one week! Talked about it with my boyfriend, he got annoyed with his sister but told me to hold on a few days till his next paycheck comes (I basically had to pay for everything for that time again).
OP handled the situation, freezing the card and then unfreezing it so that she could use it once in a while. The solution worked until the sister alerted OP’s boyfriend to the fact that she had no money.
So the day of his paycheck came and since day one I could see money spent by his sister. I got annoyed and froze his card only to unfreeze it when I needed to pay for some baby things.
My boyfriend didn’t even notice it for a few days till his sister called crying.” She is broke, she can’t afford food, she’s hungry etc.” He told her to just use his card and she said it doesn’t work.
OP’s boyfriend has called her selfish and unfeeling for not wanting his sister to have food, etc, but OP thinks she and his future baby should take priority.
He checked his account and saw I froze it. He made a massive argument about it and I told him if I didn’t do it he would run out of money again. I also told him he works all the time so I didn’t have a chance to have a conversation about it and instead of sponsoring the life of a brat he should think about his own kid.
I told him I don’t want a husband who leaves me to do everything on my own without any help because he has to work for someone who never worked a day in her life.
He told me then he would never be a husband of someone as selfish as I am.
I told him if he wants to see my selfish side then I want him to give me back all the money I spent on him, even though he earns more than me, because I would like to go on a shopping spree like his sister does all the time. He called me pathetic and hasn’t spoken to me since.
I don’t think I am in the wrong but I might be blindsided, so I would like to hear the opinion of the strangers. AITA?
Reddit says both parties are really at fault here – let’s find out why.
The top comment doesn’t offer much reasoning for their judgement, but does think OP needs to get out now.
Image Credit: Reddit
This commenter says OP shouldn’t expect him to marry her since he’s already married to his sister.
Image Credit: Reddit
They say having any kind of joint account with someone this irresponsible is a recipe for disaster.
Image Credit: Reddit
Most people don’t think there’s any way this relationship is going to work out.
Image Credit: Reddit
People are more than a little worried about the baby.
Image Credit: Reddit
I have to agree that this relationship isn’t going anywhere good.
Hopefully they can work something out for the sake of their kiddo, though.
