There’s an odd sentiment that people trot out whenever they’re trying to convince people to have kids, and it’s that those children will “take care of them when they’re older.”
Now, I don’t know if people know this is crap, but there are old folks homes all over the country for a reason – and it’s that most middle-aged adults are too busy or too far away or just too averse to in-home nursing to be bothered.
OP here has even more reason for not wanting to take care of her aging parents, and it’s the fact that they were unkind to her while she was growing up, always favoring her brother.
She left home as soon as she could, put herself through college, married a man she loves (but of whom her parents did not approve), and is doing well for herself.
My family is from South Asia but we live in the States. My parents loved my older brother and tolerated me. They expected me to just stay home and take care of them and my brother.
That wasn’t for me. I got a partial scholarship to a state school and GTFO. I worked the four years of my undergrad and was fortunate enough to get a full scholarship for my after degree. So I graduated university with only a small debt and two degrees.
I found a career that I really enjoy and a husband who loves me.
I should probably add that they didn’t approve of me marrying a person not from their culture and religion. So they didn’t contribute to our wedding even though they did attend.
Her brother is also doing well for himself, though he had the benefit of their parents financial and emotional support to get there.
She arguably has more disposable income, as her brother and his wife live on one income and have five children.
My parents paid for my brother’s education and he does very well for himself. But he has chosen to have five children. And they all go to private school and have all kinds of extra curricular activities. And his wife is a SAHM even though they have a nanny. I know five young children would be difficult to manage. I’m just saying that she has a degree as well but they have chosen to be a one income household.
We are expecting our first child. We waited a few years before deciding to start our family. We will be stopping at two and my husband will be getting a vasectomy afterwards. We are very much in agreement about our future.
Recently, her parents advised her that they had sold their home and would be moving into the guest house on her property. Both OP and her husband were not keen on this idea and told them so, offering to pay for a retirement home instead.
My parents however have decided that they are going to sell their home and come live with us. We have a large property with an in-law suite in a HCOL city on the west coast.
I told my husband that I did not want them living with us and he concurred. So I told them no.
They said that they already listed their home and that a dutiful daughter would take care of her parents in their old age.
I said that if they gave me all the money from the sale of their home I would find them a nice retirement home where they could live and that I would pay the bills until they passed away.
Her parents tried to guilt her and tried berating her but OP held firm, sending them a “rent” check for the year she lived at home between 18-19 and asking them to never contact her again.
They didn’t like that idea very much. They called me an ungrateful child and that it was expected of me.
I sent them a check for one year’s worth of rent, food, utilities, and sundries. I said I moved out one year after I turned 18 and that they were responsible for me up to that point. I then told them not to contact me again without going through my lawyer.
I have been playing whack a mole blocking all of their attempts to reach me. And all of the family members both in the States and back home that are calling me an a$$hole.
Then she told her brother if he didn’t shut up about her being terrible she wasn’t going to speak to him again either.
My brother contacted me and said that I was making the family look bad by not taking them in. So I gave him the choice of either taking them in himself or never bringing it up to me again or I would be going NC with him as well.
So was I too harsh? And does that make me an a$$hole?
Is she a terrible daughter? Reddit’s going to let her know!
The top comment is a reminder that DNA doesn’t require you to help someone out.
Image Credit: Reddit
This person thinks the brother is just about as bad as their parents.
Image Credit: Reddit
And just because it’s a cultural thing doesn’t mean you have to go along with it.
Image Credit: Reddit
Plenty of folks thought OP was being more than generous, all things considered.
Image Credit: Reddit
Almost everyone is applauding her inner strength.
Image Credit: Reddit
Listen, even if they had been great parents, the audacity of not even asking just dropped my jaw.
Everyone had better have a backup plan in case your kids are just like “thanks but no thanks.”
