No one wants to see a new co-worker fail in the office, but sadly, we all know that it happens. Folks aren’t a good fit, they don’t get along with management, or maybe just aren’t willing to put in the work, but usually, it takes a bit for all of that to shake out.
These people watched newbies come and go with astonishing speed, though, and here are a few reasons that had them turning right back around.
I’m cringing myself.
This was a while ago at my old job. New guy gets hired as a busboy. He was super annoying and tried to insert himself into everyone’s conversation whether they wanted him there or not. It only took a couple of hours for the whole restaurant to hate him.
I was working the bar and he kept eating the bar fruit. I personally didn’t care but the manager did. Manager comes over and tells him to stop eating the fruit. He looks the manager in the eye and eats another piece of fruit. Manager says “Really?” followed by “Come with me to the office”. New guy promptly replies with “Alright man, calm down. I can tell you got that big dick energy for a good reason” followed with cliche wink and nudge from his elbow. In front of me and like 4 other employees. I wanted to slam my face into the ice bin, it was so cringey to witness.
He promptly walked out the front door 10 minutes later without his uniform on anymore. The worst thing about it was the manager was an insanely laid back guy. Hell, the whole restaurant was insanely laid back. You really had to try hard to get fired from this place. Had he not thrown in that big dick line, I’m almost positive he would have just gotten a slap on the wrist and kept the job.
A whole hour.
During their onboarding training, they stole my bosses wallet on camera….
1 hour in..
Nothing good.
Not sure if it counts as being fired, but a guy in our basic training threatened a drill sergeant with a bayonet. No idea what happened after he went to the hospital, but I didn’t see him again.
The wrong place at the right time.
This is the opposite route here but I found it amusing. My boss was out of town and I managed a tea shop near a Starbucks years ago. This kid came in (foreign) and said he was supposed to start today. We were hiring and I trained him etc.
My boss came back two days later and had no idea. The kid was in the wrong place but he stayed with us. Hired on the spot without even applying.
Aiding and abetting a lobster.
Worked in a grocery store for awhile: new guy took a lobster out of the tank and removed the elastic bands on its claws, then proceeded to put it back in the tank.
The thing murdered all the other lobsters in the tank.
In front of the safety rep lol.
New guy drove a forklift into a fire hydrant, in front of a safety rep for the company. His supervisor was called over, and he immediately tells the supervisor that he won’t pass a piss test, as he used his only bottle of clean piss earlier that day when he hired in.
Everybody standing there immediately burst into laughter, which continued as security (also laughing) escorted him off site. Even the supervisor was all smiles…just gave him a pat on the back and wished him the best of luck. It was wild.
You can’t fake faking it.
I got hired as a long-term temp with one other person to do some basic data entry work at a major brand pretty much everyone has heard of. And it was at their corporate headquarters so pretty prestigious. Anyway, we went through all of this onboarding stuff in the morning that required us to get photo IDs and figure out parking and all that stuff. Then after 2 or 3 hours we were introduced to one of the employees in our new department who began going over what we were going to be doing.
None of it seemed overly difficult and I figured that while it was new system I had never used before I’d be able to work it out in a few days as long as I asked questions and took notes. And that was the thing that made me realize that the other person who got hired with me probably lied on her resume and was completely out of her depth. She didn’t take any notes and didn’t ask any questions. And whenever I glanced at her I could see flashes of panic on her face.
Well, lunchtime came and when we came back she said that another company had called her and offered her a permanent position and she couldn’t work with us ay longer. Both me and the person training us knew what was going on but I’ll give the other lady credit for finding a way out without losing face too badly.
The takeaway here is: Yes, “Fake it Until You Make it” can and does work. But you gotta’ be able to fake it. You can’t fake faking it.
Her true colors.
A week.
I worked in a bar and a new girl started. At work, she seemed a little rough but was fine.
One day she finished a shift, sat at the bar and ordered a red wine with lemonade and ice in it (not really relevant to the story; just shows she is clearly insane).
Her boyfriend came in, they had a huge domestic in front of my manager and several customers and she threw her drink over her bf and dramatically stormed out.
Bless his heart.
A 19 year old kid got hired to work the seafood counter. See him twice and then never again. Asked a coworker what happened.
He had closed seafood one night and was walking out of the store and the 5 pounds of crab legs he’d stuffed down the back of his pants fell out in front of the closing manager.
They had it coming.
Heard this from a manager I worked with when I worked in fast food. There was this one kid who didn’t show up for work. He ditched work often, so the manager called around, couldn’t get anyone to fill in his shift, so she had to fill it for him.
A few hours into his shift, the dude ditching SHOWS UP, with his friends, and orders food from that manager. She fired him on the spot.
Mistakes happen, but lying is never going over well.
New guy started on Monday and was gone by Friday.
The guy hit some racking in the warehouse with the forklift, boss saw him do it, and the guy decided to lie about it when asked if he knew what happened.
Might want to watch your tongue.
First day of work, he walks in, says “what the fuck is up dumbass” to the guy that parked next to (didn’t touch) his new Camaro he bought since he got hired.
The guy was the CEO of the company I used to work for, on visit to our branch.
Literally ten minutes into his shift he was signing release papers.
I have questions.
This was a pizza place I worked at in college. New guy was started on Thursday. Fine worker we showed him the ropes. He was on subs which is the easiest job. The instructions are right in front of your face. Friday he no call no shows (it’s Friday. The busiest night of the week. And he and I were the only kitchen workers that weren’t also drivers).
Monday a police officer shows up at the restaurant looking for him. No idea what happened as he wasn’t there. Tuesday the owner informed me he was let go.
Constant reminders.
We had a recent college grad that would use his corporate card for personal purchases. He figured that the company would just keep deducting from his payroll until it was paid off.
He was fired after three months of constant reminders to stop doing it. I don’t think it qualifies as the fastest, because he lasted three months, but it was so idiotic.
It was the second part, probably.
Couldn’t pass the simple tests given at the end of new hire orientation. Yelled at test facilitator when she wouldn’t just take the test for him.
Seems short-sighted.
I work construction. We had 2 new hires that were friends starting the same day. Boss told one take a coffee order and come back.
Took everyone’s money and said he needed his friend to go with him cause it was a big order. They never came back.
Two clowns.
Spent my summers in college working as a laborer for a construction company. Anyway, we were doing a bunch of renovation in an active hospital, so noise and dust were a huge concern. We were a small crew and just starting renovations on an area with a super tight schedule, so the company hired a subcontractor for some of the work.
Enter these two clowns who show up to do some demolition work. Foreman gives them the talk about how they may be used to doing things a certain way, but this is an active hospital so he’d rather the work take longer than for them to make a huge mess or a lot of noise. An hour later, we apparently got multiple complaints about the noise and the mess, so the foreman calls me up and says to go over there and clean up NOW, and that he’d be by shortly to see what the hell was going on.
These dudes had dust and broken wall everywhere. I could hear them half way down the hall, just smashing away without a care in the world. The foreman shows up and we walk into the room to witness this dude standing on a pile of rubble swinging a sledgehammer over his head at a brick wall that he’s removed the bottom from. Somehow the rest of this wall is still hanging from the ceiling, I have no idea how. Guy wasn’t even wearing a hard hat, apparently oblivious that at any moment that wall might give way and crush him.
The foreman lost his f**king mind on these guys. Kicked them out immediately, and got on the phone with their company and told them he didn’t want to see these guys on site again. Lots of choice four letter words were used, even threatened to fire the subcontractor entirely and get someone else to do the work.
He has his boundaries.
Guy got hired, while going through orientation realized that his ex gf worked there too, turned around and walked right out the front door.
I mean, when you know you know, right?
Personally, I’d rather know if things aren’t going to work out sooner rather than later, though.
