We’re all protective of our family, and in particular, older siblings are told from a young age that it’s their job to look out for the younger ones.
OP is trying to convince everyone on Reddit that’s all she was doing when she took a vulnerable confession from her future brother-in-law and threw his trust back in his face.
She says up front that she and her family have always liked him, but one night when he was quieter than normal, he broke down and told her the full truth of his past. OP was shocked and immediately told her husband.
She admits that it changed the way she saw him.
I’m 37F and I come from a close-knit family. I have 2 younger siblings (28M and 27F) and my sister recently got engaged to FBIL (23M) after dating him for around a year. We all know him well and I have always got along with him. He comes from a rough background but he has always been very polite and charming. He doesn’t talk about his own family or about his upbringing. My sister said it’s a painful topic for him so no one ever pushed.
There was recently a family event which FBIL attended. He was quiet during the day (he is normally high-energy and sociable) then disappeared for a while. When I went outside for some fresh air I bumped into him.
He was emotional and said it was a hard day for him due to negative associations. He ended up offloading some quite shocking things from his past including that he has a history of very serious drug use (including needles) and that he has done s^x work and p**n (men and women).
I felt for him at the time because he was so upset (literally crying on my shoulder) but afterwards I felt more and more uncomfortable.
I still feel bad for him since he clearly regrets it but it’s very shocking to find out he has that kind of history and it does make me feel differently about him.
Then, she told her parents and brother and sister-in-law and also her sister, just in case he hadn’t been honest with her.
The sister already knew it all and gave OP a talking-to for betraying his trust that way.
Obviously I told my husband what FBIL told me because I didn’t feel comfortable keeping it to myself. I also told my sister because I didn’t know how honest he had been with her and it could impact on her decision to marry him.
She was angry and said she was fully aware and it doesn’t make her think less of him. I know others might disagree but I decided if my sister and FBIL weren’t going to bring it up then it was my responsibility to make sure my family had the information they needed to make an informed choice about what kind of relationship they have with him.
My parents agreed that it was the right thing to do and were grateful. My brother said he could see my point but didn’t think it was my responsibility to share that information.
My brother’s wife thought I was out of line.
When my sister found out I told our family about FBIL’s sketchy past, she was very angry.
Her parents and brother think she did the right thing, but her sister isn’t speaking to her – and she’s lost her fiancee, as he now thinks he’s not good enough for her.
She is now refusing to speak to me altogether because apparently this has affected FBIL quite badly. They are no longer engaged because “he thinks he’s not good enough for her” and no one in my family has seen him since all of this happened.
OP claims she never said “not good enough” and that she was just concerned for her little sister’s long-term happiness.
Obviously that wasn’t my intention and no one said “he isn’t good enough”. I think it’s naive to pretend that you see someone exactly the same way after finding out they’re an addict, whether you like it or not there are risks that come with that lifestyle and relapses are common.
I’m concerned that my sister will get hurt and I don’t think it’s unreasonable for my family to have access to the same information I do, especially when they’re inviting him to their homes and there are children around etc.
AITA for informing my family about FBIL’s background?
Is Reddit buying it? Well…you might want to gird your loins for these comments.
Nearly 80k people agree with this very simple and to-the-point top comment.
Image Credit: Reddit
This person wonders whether or not OP has a single shred of decency left.
Image Credit: Reddit
They don’t believe she did any of these out of the goodness of her heart.
Image Credit: Reddit
This commenter hopes OP already knows she’s awful, but no one is holding their breath.
Image Credit: Reddit
And this person wonders how anyone she knows will ever trust her again.
Image Credit: Reddit
This is just awful.
I definitely wouldn’t want someone like this in my life.
