When Is It OK For A Kid To Tell Parent Hard Truths? The Internet Responds

Trisha Leigh

2 years ago

Many people have this idea in their heads that children should show their parents respect simply because they’re their parents.

There are all kinds of parents, though, and once children become adults, do the rules still apply?

OP is the oldest child, and her father largely raised her because her mother was busy building her own career.

I (18f) am my mom’s (41f) first and oldest child. She and my dad weren’t together and I lived with him from a very young age because she was busy with her career.

So, while she was around for my younger years, she wasn’t as present as she told me she would’ve liked to be.

Now her mother is remarried to a man OP likes and they have a new child of their own. OP enjoys being a sister, but is realistic about how their relationship will look, given their age gap.

She has a husband(38m). He’s a nice guy, and he treats her like a queen so I’m happy she’s met him. He and my mom wanted a kid of their own so they ended up having my little brother earlier this year.

I love my brother, and I like spending time with him, but I’m very aware that our age gap is going to make a “normal sibling relationship” a bit unachievable.

She’s also a student, and has been awarded a full-ride scholarship for a study abroad year. She’s thrilled, and her dad and stepdad were excited for her as well – her mom, not so much.

I was a dual enrolled college/high school student, so I got my associates the same time I got my HS diploma. The college I transferred to has a study abroad program that I got a full ride scholarship for. I’m set to go next year, and I’m seriously so excited.

My dad was really happy for me when I told him, and so was my stepdad, but my mom didn’t seem all that excited about it.

She thinks OP is going to miss too much of her new brother’s life, and that they won’t get to bond very much during his formative years.

She told me later that she doesn’t think me doing school in another country is a good idea. I thought at first that maybe it was just her worrying about me being alone or something so I tried to reassure her by telling her my friend was in the same program so we’d be together.

She clarified that her biggest concern was how much time I’d be spending away from home, seeing as how it wouldn’t be practical for me to fly back for all the holidays I would have visited if I were to be in the country.

She said me going away during my little brother’s earliest years was going to make it difficult for the two of us to really know each other the way we would if I were around.

OP told her mom that she’s not going to give up her dreams because her mom wanted a do-over, basically, and now her mom’s feelings are hurt.

I told her that it’s not like I’d never come back or anything, and by the time I’m home again he probably won’t even be in school yet, so I’d still be around for his early years. She insisted that it wouldn’t be the same, and that I should want to stay here anyway because a good sister wouldn’t want to leave her little brother.

I got upset at that and told her that I never asked to be a sister, especially not this far into my life, and that it’s not fair of her to want me to put my future on pause all because she decided she needed to start over again with motherhood.

Is OP wrong? Should she have said it nicer?

That really upset her, and I didn’t feel like arguing anymore so I just went over to my dad’s house and I’ve been here ever since. I did tell him what happened, and he said that I should choose what I feel is best for myself, and no choice I make about this would make me a bad older sister or even a bad daughter. That did make me feel a little better about it but I still feel kind of awful. I love my mom, I love my brother too, but I don’t want to throw away this opportunity.

Still though, AITA for what I said to her?

Let’s hear what Reddit thinks!

The top comment says OP definitely needs to choose herself and her own happiness this time around.