If you base things on Reddit, weddings are a huge source of contention in way too many families these days. What to serve, who is invited, what is the dress code, how much are we spending – it’s a lot to manage on its own, never mind when you’re trying to take other people’s feelings into consideration.
OP’s sister-in-law had a beautiful, pricey wedding of her own, which according to OP, fits with her personality.
I’m (29f) from a middle-class family and have an older brother (35m), let’s call him Adrian. He is a self-taught software engineer and makes pretty good money.
A little over 1 year ago he married his girlfriend (28f) of 6 years, let’s call her Heather. She’s not a bad person but I think she’s a little bit spoiled. She’s the type that loves to brag about all the expensive stuff her husband bought her and their wedding was pretty extravagant.
She still loves to talk about how it was the most amazing wedding she’s “ever been to”. My brother is kind of wrapped around her finger but it never really mattered until now.
Now it is OP’s turn, and since her fiancee is well-off and willing to foot the bill, she’s thrilled to be able to have the wedding of pretty much anyone’s dreams.
I met my fiancee(36m) about 4 years ago. It was a business event and he owns a decently sized and very successful company. So saying that, he’s extremely wealthy. Since he grew up less-than he loves to spend his money on things him and his family could only dream about before.
One of those things is, of course, our wedding. He wants to go all out and hired a somewhat well-known wedding planner to arrange everything.
Honestly, I’m pretty excited. I never dreamed of such a luxurious wedding but now that it’s happening it feels like I’m living some wild dream I never even dared have. Like textbook fairytale.
Her happiness was dampened, though, when her brother called saying that he wanted her to dial it back so that his wife didn’t feel upstaged.
Recently I was at a family gathering and was hanging out in the living room with my mom and Heather doing “girl talk”. My mom started asking me how the planning was going and when I told her about everything we were doing I could see Heather go pale and then extremely red in the face. She was quiet for the rest of the night.
The next day Adrian called me and said that Heather was extremely upset and felt like I was trying to one-up her wedding. She said I was trying to “up stage” her because I never expressed desire for a “fancy” wedding before.
He asked me if we could tone it down so it doesn’t exceed the budget they had for their own wedding. I laughed because honestly I couldn’t believe what I was hearing and then I naturally said no. He sounded upset and hung up.
When OP laughed and refused, she got a call from her sister-in-law personally, and was accused of being jealous and purposefully trying to upstage the previous wedding.
A few hours later Heather calls and she starts yelling at me, repeating mostly the same stuff, saying she knew I was always jealous of her and I’m only with my fiancee because he’s rich and I want to rub it in her face.
That made me snap and I said “if you’re that obsessed with money maybe you should have married someone else instead of my brother, if anyone’s jealous of someone it’s you”, she screamed at me and started crying before hanging up.
OP was offended and snapped back some hurtful comments of her own, and now some of her family thinks she could have handled things better.
Now Adrian is angry and calling me an AH for insinuating she shouldn’t have married him, and my parents think I was too harsh on her when I “know she’s always been material” and are asking me to lower our wedding budget to appease her. I don’t want to. My fiancee definitely doesn’t want to. But I don’t know if that makes me an AH or not?
Should she take her sister-in-law’s feelings into consideration or go ahead with her plans without feeling guilty?
Reddit should be an expert on wedding questions at this point, so let’s see what advice they gave this time!
The top comment has a pretty petty (but funny) suggestion.
Image Credit: Reddit
This person thinks the SIL needs a reality check, so it might as well be now.
Image Credit: Reddit
They say OP and her family absolutely should not give in.
Image Credit: Reddit
Basically, their advice is to treat her as one would a petulant toddler.
Image Credit: Reddit
Maybe OP should go totally over the top?
Image Credit: Reddit
The suggestions are hilarious but it’s sad things have come to this.
I hope their family can find a way forward that makes everyone happy.
