Divorce, like marriage, is a very personal topic. The reasons for it are often only understood by the two people involved, and honestly, I’m not sure anyone really loves talking about it if they’re not initiating the conversation.
OP has let his sister move in during her divorce, which she says came as a result of a mismatch of s*x drive in her marriage. She was the one who wanted more intimacy and eventually pushed her husband away with her – in his mind – constant need for it.
My sister has been staying with my husband and I (men in our late 20s) for the last week and some change. She and her husband have initiated the divorce process and she said she doesn’t want to stay alone right now, which I completely understand. It would be very hard to go from living with a partner to a completely silent house.
I opened our home to her before I found out why her marriage didn’t work out. Now that the two of us have had multiple conversations about it, I’m a little uncomfortable.
There was no infidelity. There was no big scandal. What she told me is that her husband wasn’t having s*x with her enough.
OP has grown uncomfortable listening to her talk as he doesn’t agree with her take on that being the only/best form of intimacy and believes he would be more understanding or find other ways to stay close with his husband if such a thing happened in his own marriage.
The things she has been saying have floored me. She says without s*x, the two of them were basically just like roommates. She said she had been pushing for him to get a hormone imbalance test done because while they were still having s*x, it wasn’t enough.
She said he had begun resisting even normal touches from her because from his perspective, all she thought about was s*x which apparently isn’t true… I’m not sure I believe that.
I can elaborate in the comments but overall it just left me feeling sad for her ex and the disrespect of saying s*x is the only thing that separates a partner from a roommate. Not even a friend.
I’ve done my best to be supportive, but I can’t relate to the thought process at all. If my partner told me tomorrow that he wasn’t up for s*x for the next few weeks, months, or longer, I would just take care of myself and respect that. I love him and I want him to be the person I do life with forever.
Things came to a head when the sister witnessed OP and his husband sitting closely on the sofa and made a comment that put him off.
This all came to a head last night. My husband and I were having a typical lazy Saturday night, catching up on some shows and chatting while we lounge on the couch. His legs were in my lap and I was kind of absentmindedly massaging his feet and rubbing his ankles. This was an innocent gesture.
My sister came in, saw me doing it, and made a joke along the lines of “Ah, OP, I didn’t know you were into feet” or “I didn’t know you had a foot fetish.” The exact wording escapes me.
He told her that comments like that were probably what cost her her marriage.
She did not take kindly to the comment, but was it out of line?
I couldn’t help but feel put off at her s*xualizing the gesture. Intimacy CAN be s*xual, but it doesn’t have to be. I told her so, and then said, referring to her divorce, “You s*xualizing every interaction is why you’re in the situation you are now.” She called me a dick and left the room.
I already know it was a little harsh, but I’m unsure if it was tough love or too much.
AITA?
Reddit is going to let OP know!
The top comment agrees with OP that it was a weird thing to say.
Image Credit: Reddit
This person says someone needed to put the sister in her place as far as what is appropriate to discuss with family.
Image Credit: Reddit
This comment says they find it weird that the siblings know so much about each other’s s*x lives in the first place.
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They say no one is smelling like a rose on this one.
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There were plenty of people who understood his point.
Image Credit: Reddit
This was a tough one and the replies are pretty split.
I’m guessing a lot of personal experience and hurt found their way into the comments.
