A huge conversation is taking place around (and inside) heterosexual relationships right now, and it’s centered on the lack of equality when it comes to the physical and mental load of raising the kids and taking care of the house and family.
OP brings it all to light when he asks whether or not he’s spending too much time in a bunker designed by his (admittedly crazy) grandfather instead of in the house with his family.
My grandfather was an incredibly talented man who also suffered from paranoid schizophrenia, and he was convinced that the nuclear apocalypse was going to end the human race at some point, so he built his own bunker and then buried the entrance because he was convinced that both the KGB and the CIA were watching him and wanted to keep the bunker a secret. Yes, he was a crazy man.
My dad inherited his house but never lived there, so when I had my first child in 2018 and got married in 2019, my dad made me an incredibly generous offer for the house. I bought computers that were more expensive than the house.
The bunker became kind of an urban legend, mostly because my old grandpa used to tell a lot of crazy stories, but out of curiosity I went looking for it and found the entrance. THE OLD MAN REALLY DID IT!
He renovated it to his tastes and made it a “man cave” where he gets to escape the chaos that is a house with young kids, but his wife is upset and feels like he’s abandoning them.
So, thanks to being stuck at home during the uneventful 2020 and 2021, I started remodeling the bunker to look less like a Fallout Vault and more like my own man cave. Everyone loves it, especially the kids (My nephews and friend’s children).
So the house is decorated to my wife’s taste, while I can do whatever I want in the bunker, play gaming, fix computers, set up a whole home server, work from home, etc.
However, lately she has been complaining about me being distant and spending a lot of time there and less time with her and our child. She is pregnant again, so she said she was worried, but I just promised to spend more time at the house.
After a few weeks that wasn’t enough for her and she accuses me of abandoning her.
Some of the hours he spends there are work hours but not all of them, and he’s not sure he’s doing anything wrong – he thinks maybe it’s just her pregnancy hormones at play.
I’m asking for judgment here because I’m trying to be there for my family, but this bunker feels like it’s the only thing that’s really mine and where I can actually have a break, but my wife has said she’s going to seal the entrance otherwise I might miss the birth and not even notice.
Should I just move all my stuff into the house and forget about it? Am I really being neglectful, or is this just her pregnancy hormones talking?
To be clear, I do help with the house chores and spend time with my son when I’m there and I have an intercom in the bunker so my wife can just call me if she needs anything and I’ll go up there immediately.
I forgot to mention: Our son goes to kindergarten so my wife has time to work and sometimes be alone at home.
Reddit is about to…educate him. For lack of a better word.
The top comment tells OP that he is absolutely not being fair to his wife.
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They’re not sure why OP thinks he gets all of this time and space and she doesn’t.
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This person is pretty sure they’ve heard all of this before.
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It’s definitely one or the other.
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Basically, they don’t think she wants to have to ask.
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No one wants to have to ask another adult for help when it’s half their job to begin with.
I’m just saying.