Weddings might often bring out the worst in the bride and groom, but sometimes they also make those who feel entitled to make some of the decisions behave badly as well.
In this case, the bride’s brother and sister-in-law have had a set of “rainbow” twins after experiencing several pregnancy losses. The entire family was excited for them and has continued to treat the twins as if they are precious and special beyond how the other grandchildren are treated.
Context: My brother and SIL had a series of incredibly painful (both physically and emotionally from what I’ve heard) miscarriages before they had my niece Ava and nephew Liam (4y/o twins) via IVF.
As a result, my whole family (especially my SIL) make a very big deal out the twins, calling them “rainbow babies”, showering them with attention and affection, almost to the exclusion of the other grandkids.
I’ve never really been as involved with this, mostly due to the fact that I live across the country.
OP hasn’t been involved firsthand since she lives out of state, and so when it came time to discuss who would be the ring bearer and flower girl in her wedding, she thought first of her beloved dog and cat and not her niece and nephew.
Anyway, I’m getting married soon! I’m so excited, and my fiancé and I have been diving into wedding planning. A conversation that my fiancé and I had recently was the matter of the flower girl and ring bearer. I brought up the idea of having our dog Mika and our cat Tibby fill the roles.
Understand, Mika and Tibby are like children to us! They helped me through my deepest depression, I honestly think I wouldn’t be here anymore if I didn’t have to stick around to take care of them. They kept my fiancé company when he was going through chemo and I had to work double the hours to put food on the table.
We love them to bits, and consider them family. My fiancé thought it was a great idea, so that’s what we decided to do.
Her sister-in-law pitched a fit about her choosing something “non-traditional” instead of her precious and adorable children. OP stood firm, and after talking to her fiancee, does not want to change her plans.
Anyway, I casually brought it up at a family get together, and my SIL took me aside later and asked why we gave “Ava and Liam’s roles” to our animals. I was confused, and she explained that, since Ava and Liam were “her miracle rainbow babies” that obviously they should be the flower girl and ring bearer.
She said that it would be “good for the family” for the twins to be in the wedding, and that it’s “against tradition to have animals in the wedding”. She asked me to reconsider, and showed me a picture of Ava in a flower girl dress to “show [me] how cute it would be”.
I told her that I wouldn’t make any decisions without my fiancé’s input, then I changed the subject.
I talked to my fiancé about it, and he said he’d be fine with Ava and Liam taking the roles, but that’s he’d prefer our animals. I agreed that I would prefer our animals.
She’s starting to second guess herself, though – and Reddit is just the place to get answers.
However, I’m now wondering if maybe having our animals in the wedding would offend the family or go against tradition.
Honestly, I’m fairly sure we’d not be doing anything wrong, but my mind has been spinning lately, so I figured I’d get some second opinions.
Let’s hear what they have to tell her on this one.
The top comment says that just because the twins are special to them, it doesn’t mean they are extra special to everyone.
Image Credit: Reddit
This person says it sounds as if the SIL wants to make OP’s wedding day all about her.
Image Credit: Reddit
They say her having a picture of her daughter in a flower girl dress is pretty sus as far as attention-grabbing.
Image Credit: Reddit
This commenter is a bit worried for the kid’s mental health going forward.
Image Credit: Reddit
And this person just wants video of how the pets make it down the aisle on the big day.
Image Credit: Reddit
This guy agrees the SIL definitely overstepped here.
Image Credit: Reddit
The idea that you get to have any kind of say in someone else’s wedding is bizarre.
So is the idea that certain grandchildren should be treated better than others because they were born after a miscarriage. IMHO.