There is no doubt that blending families is difficult – and that’s when all parties involved are actually intent on trying to make the best of the situation.
When someone is determined to make life miserable for everyone else, what do you do?
OP had been widowed with a young daughter for over a decade when she met someone she felt serious about. As he had a young daughter who is deaf, she took it upon herself to learn ASL so they would be able to communicate.
I (49 F) recently married my husband (52M) who has a deaf 7 year old daughter. She communicates solely via ASL.
Now, since my relationship with my now husband started getting serious, I started taking ASL classes and am now basically as fluent as a hearing person can be. My daughter, however, never made an effort, which is ok since she technically has no responsibility towards her.
Her own daughter, who is just a year away from college, dislikes her stepfather and stepsister to the point that she basically refuses to communicate or spend time with them unless it’s absolutely necessary.
For some background, my daughter (17F) is generally a very non-problematic teenager. She does amazing in school, and has never caused any problems other than regular teenage hormone stuff.
However, she doesn’t like my husband and step daughter. She is not outwardly rude, but basically ignores their existence (skipped SDs birthday party, doesn’t engage in anything other than basic small talk with my husband).
I did try to do family activities together to have the bond and all, but I stopped pushing it when it didn’t happen and as long as she’s not being outwardly rude or harmful to them, I can’t exactly punish her for not liking them.
Since she babysits the little girl (as a job), OP has asked her to learn some signs in case of emergencies, but she’s refused.
However, recently my daughter has started watching SD (paid) when we aren’t around, which changes things. In my opinion, since she is now spending time in which she is responsible for a young child, she needs to learn at least basic communication.
When I brought it up to her , she outright refused to make any effort at all. I tried recommending YouTube videos, but she refused to try learning even a couple words, saying she’s not responsible for my choice to be in the life of a disabled child.
Now, OP’s husband is considering that divorce might be in the best interests of his daughter, who is basically being emotionally bulled in her own home.
This issue has also been causing a lot of problems in my marriage. My husband confided in me that he’s starting to feel uncomfortable with his young daughter living with someone who is so cold she refuses to make even the most basic effort, or engage with her at all.
He has brought up that he is considering divorce due to his concerns about how SD will be affected by this.
So OP laid down the law, telling her teenager that if she wants to continue to live at home while she attends college, she has to learn at least some ASL in order to communicate with her stepsister.
So given all that, I had to finally put my foot down. I told my daughter that we have a disabled person living in our household for the foreseeable future, and if she wants to live here for college (graduating next month), she has to at least learn basic ASL.
She doesn’t have to like her stepfather and stepsister, nor does she have to hang out with them, but she has to have the ability to communicate with her for the sake of safety and basic decency.
She offered to pay for a dorm room as an alternate option.
I made it clear that if she chooses not to, she is welcome to live in a dorm (that I will pay for ), it’s just that living in our house (that is also my SD’s house, my husband and I paid for the house equally) comes with basic rules.
Well, my daughter hasn’t spoken to me for 7 days, so its about time I ask, AITA?
Her daughter isn’t speaking to her, so does Reddit think she’s done something wrong? Let’s find out!
The top comment decides that everyone is a jerk except the youngest child.
Image Credit: Reddit
This person disagrees, though, as far as the father doing what he believes is best for his kiddo.
Image Credit: Reddit
But this commenter wonders why he married her in the first place if he was so concerned for his young daughter’s happiness.
Image Credit: Reddit
Some folks thought the teenager was getting far too much of a pass.
Image Credit: Reddit
While others stood up for the girl’s right to not want to be a part of a new family.
Image Credit: Reddit
This is a tough one, because it seems like everyone but the 17yo is really trying.
Which makes me think she’s the one in the wrong, not OP.
