This is gonna be a whole lot of fun!
Because these AskReddit users were nice enough to share the most creative insults they’ve ever heard.
Are you ready for this?
Let’s get started!
I like it!
“Your face looks like something I’d draw with my left hand.”
Take a day off.
“You have your entire life to be an idiot.
Why not take today off?”
Not a good thing.
“An employee of mine told me that I was the raisin in his day’s chocolate chip cookie.”
Ouch.
“Growing up, my best friends mother used to say “it’s a shame God put so many teeth in your mouth…ruined a perfectly good a**hole.””
Hilarious.
“In basic training my training instructor made our formation stop at every tree we passed so the flight f**k up could exit the formation, salute, and apologize that the tree had to work so hard to produce the oxygen that he wasted.”
Fast like lightning.
“Knowledge has been chasing you, but you have always been faster.”
Black sheep.
“Were you the taboo subject in your family?”
Dad for the win!
“”Wow, I never knew that there were more reasons to get a vasectomy!”
-My dad when I was annoying him.”
Takes a minute to sink in.
““You’re about as useful as Anne Frank’s drum set.”
I overheard this at the store some time ago and I’m still in awe of how that guy (seemingly) put that one together.”
LOL.
“I bumped into a homeless guy. I said excuse me.
He said “There is no excuse for you!!!””
That hurts.
“One time a third grader who was very annoyed with me told me “you’re a rock in my shoe” and I’ve never forgotten that.”
A classic.
“I hope your day is as lovely as your personality.”
Blown away.
“A lady on Facebook once told me I look like Voldemort’s lethargic grandson.
I was too in awe to be offended.”
Burn!
“Helen Keller could probably find Waldo faster than you.”
Zing!
“I don’t want to get into a battle of wits with him, because I would never fight an unarmed man.”
The master.
“”Here’s a group of musical vermin whose mothers we wish had had a medical plan that included ab**tion.”
George Carlin
Really, any insult by Carlin is pure gold.”
Gotcha.
“Said by one coworker to another to at a restaurant I used to work at: “Jesus Christ, you’re living proof that intelligent design isn’t real.””
I love this!
“You’re so ugly your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.”
Boom!
“The only way you’d get laid is if you punched the bouncer.”
Most likely.
“Their mother had them for tax purposes.”
You asked for it.
“More of a comeback but:
Person 1: “I banged your mom”
Person 2: “Great, now you’ve disappointed two mothers!””
Pretty harsh.
“”Her casket is going to be bigger than her funeral”.
My mom talking about my bitch of a grandma.”
Can’t forget that one.
“I’m a bigger guy and one time during a hockey game some guy called me a skating chicken nugget and that ones stayed with me for 10 years.”
A real dummy.
“His IQ is the same number as the temperature outside. Celsius, not Fahrenheit.”