Every relationship and every family is different, and so are the ways they choose to divide household and parenting chores. As long as all parties feel it’s fair, that’s all that matters.
OP thought things seemed fair to her and her husband when they had their first child. She was up all night and breastfed while they all stayed home; he changed most of the diapers.
AITA For asking my husband to change our sons diapers?
my husband has changed probably 90% of our son’s diapers for the first 1.5years our son was born during Covid, i had a super traumatic birth, our son almost died during labor, and we were all alone.
We both worked from home and our son was very colicky, i was exclusively breastfeeding and was up every night with him, doing all bed time feedings, nails clippings, teeth brushing, he did baths and diapers.
It seemed like a fair arrangement.
He has continued to change them as their kiddo is big and tough to manage.
Eventually Covid ended and we got a nanny for Saturdays and our son started daycare he goes from 9-5, my husband started leaving for the day for work.
I asked him to change the diapers when he was at home because our son who is in the 100th+ percentile in height and weight was hard to manage for me, i got by on days when i was alone but it was definitely difficult.
Even when my mom would visit she would have hard time with the diaper changing and she works at a childcare facility because he was big and unruly.
Now he only wears one overnight, and since OP is pregnant again, she’s asked her husband to manage it so there’s less of a chance she’ll throw up in the morning.
Now our son is 3 and almost fully potty trained, he wears a diaper overnight.
So we put a diaper on at night and take it off in the morning, and I’m pregnant again with really bad nausea so I’ve asked him to get the baby ready in the mornings as I’m usually choking back the vomit.
Her husband, though, says he is done changing diapers and does not plan to change any diapers for their new baby since he feels very abused and taken advantage of re: all of the diaper changes.
My husband has decided he will not change any of the future babies diapers and has become very resentful saying that it was totally abusive and abnormal for him to change so many diapers through our sons life and that other dads don’t have to change so many diapers.
It’s not like I’ve changed zero diapers, i changed diapers any time he wasn’t home. On sick days i am always the one who stays at home with him and cares for him completely.
OP is sort of stunned and wants another opinion on the matter.
I always felt like our parenting duties were pretty evenly divided until i got pregnant 3 months ago and things have definitely been harder since then because it’s hard for me some days to do the things i used to do like make breakfast, get his daycare bag ready,physically pick him up.
Am i the a$$hole for letting him/ expecting him to change so many diapers?
Which is, of course, why Reddit is here!
The top comment is from a dad who thinks OP’s husband is off his nut.
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This experienced mom says her husband is looking at it all wrong.
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They say it’s an opportunity to connect.
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It turns out there are a lot of bad parents out there.
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Lots of men in the comments think OP’s husband needs to stop whining.
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As a mom, I agree that OP isn’t wrong.
Her husband better fix his thinking before #2 arrives (in more ways than one).