The title for this one is hilarious, and so are the first couple of comments, but I doubt it’s quite as funny for the girlfriend in question (though it seems as if she’s recognized the issues at hand).
OP and his girlfriend have recently moved in together sort of accidentally. He’s supposing she has ADHD after watching several behaviors, like not being able to stay on task, not being able to complete a list, and the wandering – often in the middle of the night in a rural area.
(22M) So my gf (21F) has a bit of wanderlust. I’m almost positive she has some form of ADHD because she is incredibly forgetful and at times careless. She’ll do things like leave her purses, books, phone, and at times keys in the car. Boil an egg on the stove and only remember once the water has completely evaporated and is burning, as well as other appliance related problems.
She always talks about how she’ll get around to getting diagnosed and medicated but never does. Apparently she’s been like this her whole life. Anyways, we recently moved in together( a house that belonged to my grandmother but we both pay utilities/tax/bills) and it’s been great honestly except for these little problems.
The major point of contention rn is how she will at times leave through the back door, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT on “walks’, and be gone for hours. We have had disagreements about this multiple times in the past where I’ve told her that her walks are dangerous and make me uncomfortable.
she’s not my tenant. it’s more like she came over so much that it devolved into her living with me. She has problems with her parents so she decided to make my place her main residence, and we’ve just been chilling like that.
She offered to pay utilities and things, but tbh I wouldn’t have minded either way. So finally picking up an extra set of keys was on our to do list that she insisted she could handle.
His issue with this is her safety, as she doesn’t always take proper precautions, and his safety, because she leaves the back door unlocked.
She will leave at around 1 – 2 am to walk around our rural neighborhood for hours at a time, sometimes when her phone is on low battery.
I have no idea why she does this. She’s told me that it’s “exercise” and she enjoys the solitude but it makes me uncomfortable af. I worry about what could happen in the middle of the night with no one around, and she doesn’t appreciate me coming with her too much.
Worse yet, she will leave the back door unlocked because she still hasn’t gotten her own set of house keys. So it is up to me to readmit my wayward gf every few nights.
So, he’s locked the backdoor and since she doesn’t have a key and refuses to leave the front door unlocked, her walks have been curtailed.
I’ve decide to draw my line. I’ve refused to unlock the back door and had it locked from both ends so she’s forced to use the front door for her trips. Not even she would dare leave the front door unlocked to go gallivanting into the night, so I’m good on that end. The only thing is that she got incredibly frustrated at me and called me a controlling AH and hasn’t been talking to me. I don’t think I am when she refuses to behave like a literal sensible adult.
So yeah AITAH? I find it ridiculous cause she could simply go out to get her own pair of keys to thwart me, but she’s the type that can’t have too many errands on her mind. She will have a list of five and then feel overwhelmed and tapped out after completing one. I love her but she is insane.
She has made a few suggestions as far as how she could help him feel more comfortable.
I feel I was a bit a$$holey in how I chose to handle this. Her possible ADHD is a big issue for her and I’ve employed a hands off approach in order to leave her agency, but since it’s come to this it’s obviously not working.
We’re definitely going to figure out other ways to work through this, including helping her make appts and finally start the process on her diagnosis. She’s also suggested sharing her location when she goes for walks and informing me before she leaves each time.
Looking into electronic locks and – We’re going to go get her copies of the keys later today.
Also no, she does not have a secret lover that she’s hitchhiking to go rendezvous with each night.
Some comments from my gf: i am not a cat.
Also, she has clarified she is not a cat, though some people are still suspicious.
She might not be a cat, but maybe treating her like one isn’t such a bad idea.
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This person understands the walking at night urge but does think the girlfriend needs to be safer.
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This commenter says he has a lot to learn about being the partner of someone with ADHD.
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Seriously, he’s going to have to adjust his expectations.
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Luckily, people have advice.
Image Credit: Reddit
This is about to be a wild ride for him.
I hope he’s prepared.