Boundaries are a huge hot-button topic these days, and honestly, for good reason – like the fact that most of us were never taught how important they can be for healthy relationships.
OP invited her sister to move in with her and her husband while she’s going through a separation and probably divorce. She says she was happy to have her.
I (24f) own a home with my husband Andrew (25m) that we’ve been slowly renovating for the past two years. We decided to forego spending money on a wedding or a honeymoon and instead got a cute (but very old lol) house.
My sister Jenna (30f) and her husband separated a few months back, and she’s been staying with us until she can get back on her feet.
Things were mostly fine in the beginning, I’ve never had issues with my sister before, and she’s always liked Andrew so I never thought there would be any problems.
OP and her husband are naturally affectionate and have become mores so since discovering they are going to be parents, and they’ve noticed her sister huffing about when they touch each other or talk about the baby.
Andrew and I have always been a snuggly couple. It’s nothing over the top, just forehead kisses, hand holding, and arm hugging mostly. I will admit that now that I’m pregnant (due in late dec), Andrew has been way more snuggly.
If he’s not fixing something in the house, sitting at his computer working, or running an errand, then he’s probably either touching my belly or thinking about doing it lol. He’s excited about being a dad and I think it’s really sweet so I don’t mind.
Jenna has been passive aggressive about it since he started doing it. She’ll roll her eyes in annoyance or make a bit of a dramatic show of leaving the room. It’s honestly been annoying but Andrew and I have mostly just ignored it.
Things came to a head when the sister lost it, asking her sister to keep the affection to their bedroom as long as she’s staying there, because doing it in public is “rubbing it in.”
Last night when I was curled up on the couch not feeling well, Andrew brought me a drink, kissed my forehead, and then touched my belly while jokingly scolding our baby for making me sick.
Jenna kind of huffed, but she waited until Andrew went back to putting some furniture together in the other room before she told me that I needed to stop being such an insensitive jerk by “flaunting” my happy marriage in her face.
I told her I was sorry that she’s going through a tough time in her own marriage, but I’m flaunting anything and it’s not like Andrew and I were doing it to antagonize her.
She said we were being inconsiderate and that as long as she’s staying at the house we need to keep our affections confined to our bedroom.
OP said no, absolutely not, and if the sister was so bothered maybe she should stay somewhere else.
Finally I said that it was our home, so I wouldn’t be asking my husband to only act affectionate towards me behind closed doors, and that if it really was that difficult for her to see us together then maybe she’d be better off staying somewhere else.
So she did, but now their mother thinks OP was being insensitive.
Well that upset her because she packed some of her stuff up and left shortly afterwards. Today I’ve been getting all kinds of messages from our mom saying how cruel it was of me to toss Jenna out, and I got a message from Jenna saying she still can’t believe how insensitive I’m being about this.
Andrew has assured me that I wasn’t being cruel or insensitive about any of it, but I still feel unsure so I wanted to get some opinions from people who are removed from the situation.
Does Reddit think OP should have handled things differently? Let’s find out!
The top comment points out that the sister chose to leave, OP didn’t throw her out.
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This person says you could go ahead and just ditch people who annoy you.
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But this person says OP has to consider that her sister is going through a hard time – she absolutely does not have to change how she acts at home, though.
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This comment says OP shouldn’t change anything, and the rest will sort itself out.
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This person can definitely see both sides.
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It’s a tough situation all the way around.
I hope the two of them can come back together when emotions are a bit more settled.