Siblings are always going to find something to fight about, and when it comes to space, teenagers need a lot of it.
OP has a biological daughter who is 13 and her family is a long-term foster placement for two girls, 15 and 10. They have a 3-bedroom home and foster rules state everyone living in a foster home must have a room with walls and a door.
So, we have 2 new foster placements: 10G and 15G. We also have a biological daughter, 13G. We live in a 3 bedroom house and at this time, it’s not possible to add more room. We do plan on moving eventually but that’s not something that will happen for a year minimum.
Originally, we were only receiving single placements but got our first sibling group in 10G and 15G. In our county, siblings can share a room, both bio and foster.
The only condition is non-bio siblings of opposite sex can’t share a room. Which isn’t an issue here.
Because people are asking if 10G could sleep in the living room or whatever…per guidelines, the children must live in a room with permanent walls, a door that closes, have their own dressers, etc. That would not be possible in the living room.
I also cannot give up my room as it’s stated that all living in the house must have rooms.
The room is also big enough for the two. It is the house’s master and fits all their stuff, plus leaves enough room for them to feel separate.
The oldest foster daughter has asked for her own room, but OP made a promise to her daughter that she would never have to share a room if they started fostering.
We try to do what we can to make the siblings comfortable. But recently 15G said at their home, she has her own room and she hates sharing. We’ve tried to divide with curtains, privacy panels, etc. We’ve let 15G get a lot of personalized stuff for her room. But it’s a struggle. 15G has requested her own room.
The other issue is 13G set a boundary when we started fostering 2 years ago that she wouldn’t share her room. We agreed as it seemed reasonable.
She’s always great with the other kids in our home but also deserves her own space where she can decompress. She went from being an only child to having other children in the home.
We also make sure we get a lot of one on one time with her and still do stuff as a family. She knows she can talk to us about anything.
We did ask her about 10G sharing her room and obviously, she said no. We explained this to 15G and she is now upset, saying it’s not fair.
She’s thought of every possible way around it, but someone is going to have to share and she doesn’t think she can go back on her promise to her daughter.
We feel conflicted. Our social worker backs us up, but some people in our personal life say we are in the wrong.
Other relevant info: We don’t know exactly how long 15G and 10G will be with us but the current plan in place is 10 months minimum, with the likelihood it could be longer.
So, it’s not as if 10G and 13G would only share a room for a few weeks.
Does Reddit think she’s an a$$hole? Let’s find out!
The top comment says the kiddo isn’t wrong for asking, and OP isn’t wrong for saying no. Sometimes life isn’t fair.
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After all, there’s only so much space.
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This person says it’s actually a good sign that she feels safe enough to ask.
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People with experience point out that it’s fine that OP’s biological daughter “matters more” since it’s her permanent home.
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This commenter wonders if OP shouldn’t ask the 15yo to help her try to solve the problem.
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There are some very thoughtful and kind people on this thread.
Good humans are still out there.