People have written dissertations on the difference between fair and equal, and I think most people realize now they aren’t necessarily the same thing.
That said, there are still times when they should be the same thing and they still aren’t.
OP and her younger sister have both lived at home since they graduated from college/landed their first jobs. They make decent money but neither is ready to be out on their own.
Background: I graduated from college 4 years ago live at home with my parents. My sister graduated 2 years ago and also lives with my parents. We both got jobs pretty much straight out of college.
I pay my parents $800/month in rent since my first paycheck.
OP pays her parents rent, and after hearing them worrying about finances on day, she offered to pay even more.
This is a throwaway and it’s still fresh and I’m really emotionally charged right now. Last night my parents were talking loudly about their financial problems in the living room.
I overheard and I offered to help by paying more in rent (I was thinking $900-1000) since it covers utilities/phone/internet.
My parents were grateful.
Things changed, though, when she learned her sister has never paid them a dime.
Now, prior to this, I never asked my how much sister pays in rent. I always figured my parents charged us the same. So absentmindedly I asked a follow-up question.
Me: How much is [my sister] paying [for rent]?
My Mom: Nothing.
A long pause.
Me: What do you mean she doesn’t pay rent?
My Dad (visibly angry): Your sister doesn’t pay a thing!
My dad explained how my sister recently bought a brand new car and hasn’t paid insurance on it so my dad had to pay for it. She doesn’t pay rent.
She doesn’t pay utilities/phone/anything. So for the past 2 years she’s been living rent free while I’ve been paying my parents.
A family meeting turned into her sister flat-out refusing to pay a thing and OP refusing to pay more until her sister pays the same amount.
So later that night we had a family sit down talk. My sister didn’t want to pay rent, especially at how much I was paying.
She offered $100.
My parents suggested she pay $300, I pay $800.
My sister and I both rejected.
The conversation ended with this:
Sister: I’M TRYING TO LIVE MY LIFE. [These were her exact words which made me so mad.)
So my sister storms off to her room and it’s now me, my parents in the living room.
I’m extremely upset at this because it’s massively unfair. My mom is upset that everyone’s angry at each other and my dad’s angry my sister won’t pay rent and she won’t move out and both my parents don’t want to police involved.
So I say my part before leaving.
Me: I’m not going to pay any more rent until she does. (It’s only fair right?) And if I do pay rent, I pay whatever she’s being.
My mom: What if she pays $300 and you pay $800-
Me: No.
My mom: But [me], we really need the money…
Me: That’s too bad.
Now her parents think they’re both awful and don’t know how they’re going to pay their bills, but OP thinks it’s not her problem.
I get up and go off to my room.
So this morning my dad comes in tells me that I’M A JERK FOR NOT PAYING RENT. That I should pay rent because it’s the right thing to do and all this crap. I’m like, “what the hell? make [my sister] pay rent!”
My mom, who’s listening in.
“You’ve seen her! She won’t listen to us!”
Me: WELL THAT’S TOO BAD.
My mom (really angry): WELL WE WOULDN’T HAVE THIS PROBLEM IF YOU DIDN’T TRY TO MAKE YOUR SISTER PAY RENT.
That was the last straw that blew it for me. I slammed the door on my parents.
As I’m typing this my parents are in the living room discussing how both their children are rotten and life was better back in the home country/back in their day when kids listened to their parents. Like wtf?
I bet Reddit is going to have some thoughts on this one!
The top comment says that the sister is ridiculous, not OP.
This commenter thinks OP should look elsewhere for living arrangements.
And this person says OP needs to remember this is her parents’ problem, not hers.
They suggest OP find someone who would have her back.
Sadly, this doesn’t seem to be all that uncommon.
I am appalled on this woman’s behalf.
Don’t be parents like hers, y’all. Woof.