There are so many facets to this story, y’all. On the surface, it seems pretty simple but just beneath that, there’s actually a lot going on.
OP is a successful businesswoman, but the price of her success at a young age was sacrificing a solid romantic relationship. Her parents and sister know that’s the one thing she feels is missing from her life and ask her how the dating scene is going on a regular basis.
Some quick background: I’ve always been ambitious and started a bakery pretty young. I was able to do it through a family loan (which I’m grateful for) and a lot of grit and insane hours. The dedication led me to miss out on a lot of things, and while I’m incredibly proud to have built something that’s turned into a super popular spot in my neighborhood, I’ve definitely missed out on a few things.
One of which is that I’m 35 and single/childless. Although I have no regrets, I do want to find love. This is a topic of frequent discussion during family dinners with my parents and sister.
It’s not an unwelcome discussion, and my parents don’t nag (they just ask normal things like “how was that coffee date last week?” or “did you like so-and-so?”) and if things don’t work out they don’t say anything much.
While she was sharing a recent disappointment, her sister jumped into the conversation with a bunch of unhelpful and judgemental comments.
Normally it’s not a sad discussion, but this week I was sharing a bigger than normal disappointment in a recent failed date (we’d gone out a few times and I thought it would turn into something, but our schedules were incompatible).
After hearing this, my sister piped up and said she wasn’t surprised because I had “a negative and unfeminine aura that turns away men”.
My parents tried to shut her up, but she kept going on and on about how men would find my “energy” aggressive because I “set too many boundaries”.
She ended with saying that I should try “manifesting a positive love story” and that by going into relationships with negativity I was “manifesting failure”.
When OP had enough she snapped back, upsetting her sister to the point where she cried.
I was honestly so mad at this point, that I just blurted out “well maybe if you manifested a job, you wouldn’t be fighting with “Tom” (her children’s father) over child support payments”. She has two kids with Tom, split 50/50 custody, and tries to live off of her child support payments by staying with my parents.
Honestly, there’s nothing wrong with that, except she always complains about not having nice things (i.e. she wanted a Chanel bag and was jealous her friend got one for her anniversary), and refuses to work (my dad offered her an admin job at his company, but she “hated sitting for so long”).
She immediately started crying at the table, causing us to cut dinner short.
Now her sister wants an apology and her parents are hoping for peace, but OP doesn’t think she really did anything wrong.
My parents are trying to not take sides, but have recently asked me to apologize because my sister has been making social media posts about me “weaponizing her poverty” and being a bully (btw, to call herself “poor” is honestly a slap in the face to people actually facing poverty.
She lives in a gated community in my parents’ home). She refuses to come to my mom’s birthday party next week if I don’t say sorry. I personally feel like she deserved it, but I can tell my mom’s upset.
BTW, the “boundaries” my sister say that result in me “manifesting negativity” are things like me turning down a date 4th of July weekend because I own a BAKERY and it’s a huge weekend for my business, requiring me to be all hands on deck pumping out pies and pastries.
Reddit is ready to step in and render their own judgement below!
The top comment says it’s time to stop feeding the sister’s narcissism.
This person says the sister likely knows she’s in the wrong, here.
This commenter says there’s a difference between weaponizing and observing.
They say OP’s standards are fine the way that they are.
Even if OP isn’t judging her sister, Reddit is.
I really hate it when people tell others to lower their standards.
I’m pretty sure that’s how people like OP’s sister end up divorced.