Co-parenting after a separation or divorce can be muddy waters, and most people struggle to see the other shore for at least a little while. I imagine that if your child’s other parent is an addict or a recovering addict, there are many more potential hazards lurking right below the surface.
OP tells the story of their brother, who struggled with drug addiction for so long it cost him his family. His ex-wife has had full custody of their son but, as he’s recovered, allows him visitation at her discretion.
My brother has struggled with a drug addiction for most of his life. About five years ago, it tore his family apart. His wife filed for divorce, and was awarded full custody of their son. This is all right and proper, as brother was in no condition to be a father at this time.
The road to recovery has been long, but my brother has been working the program and has now been clean for several years. He has no formal custody of his son, though he gets visitation at his ex-wife’s discretion.
He’s been a good and stable father to his son in the last years.
Since she has decided to really pull rank and even take their child away on lengthy vacations, OP’s brother filed for joint custody and they found themselves in front of a judge.
However, his ex has not wanted to allow for the possibility that brother has become well. In fact, she has begun jerking him around with visitation, even planning on removing son from his father for a period of several months so she can take a long vacation with her new family.
Brother, not willing to let this slide, immediately filed for joint custody.
His ex painted him in a pretty bad light, but when they demanded he get a letter from the local Narcotics Anonymous chapter president stating he’s been at every meeting for over a year, he said no problem – because he is the president.
The court case was just a day ago, and as expected, his ex has bad mouthed his former drug abuse and attempted to paint him as still an addict and a threat to their son (again, he totally is not – him being clean for years, employed, and owning his own home now).
The ex was so self-deluded and confident that he had backslid, that she loudly demanded, in front of the judge, that my brother provide a letter from the local president of [drug counseling program] stating that he has attended every meeting for the last several years.
My brother smiled at the judge, and said, “Not only is that not a problem, your honor, but I can provide that document today.”
The judge asked how this is possible, did brother already think to bring it with him?
“No, your honor, but, you see, I am the president of our local chapter.”
Joint custody was awarded.
Joint custody has been awarded. Primary placement is with the mother, but his visitation hasn’t changed much and, more importantly, is no longer subject to her whims.
More importantly, she can’t simply disappear with his son for months on end whenever she feels like it.
If you are an addict or on the road to recovery you CAN come back from it!
It feels like a win for the good guys, but does Reddit agree?
It’s a story that warms the heart.
Substance recovery is quite a feat.
Everyone is applauding his win.
Because many people aren’t so lucky.
This is a happy story.
I honestly hope that’s how it ends.