Like weddings, birthdays are an event where the guest of honor gets to set the rules.
That said, others can certainly complain about said rules if they feel they’re unfair, right?
OP has a niece and nephew who she loves but can recognize are in need of discipline. Her sister doesn’t do anything about their bad behavior, instead relying on other adults to play the heavy for her.
My sister Angel claims to use “hands-off parenting” with my niece Sofia and nephew Parker.
In actuality, Angel is entirely permissive and refuses to discipline them. She expects other adults to step in when Sofia and Parker’s behavior is getting out of hand.
So, when OP was inviting people to her birthday, she requested her sister get a babysitter. She explained her reasons for this request in person and at first, her sister seemed to understand.
For this reason, I asked Angel to get a babysitter for Sofia and Parker if she wanted to attend my 27th birthday. I love Sofia and Parker as their aunt. And at the same time, I want a peaceful evening to celebrate my birthday instead of dealing with Sofia and Parker’s behavior, because I know Angel isn’t going to discipline them herself.
Angel acted understanding when I made this request and explained my reasons to her in-person,
But then her sister blasted her on Facebook, especially calling out the fact that their other niece was invited (though she’s 17 and not a child).
Then she went online and made a Facebook post accusing me of hating Sofia and Parker and trying to punish Angel by only inviting our sister Jessica’s kid Megan to my birthday dinner. (Nevermind that Megan is 17 and is practically an adult herself.)
Several of our relatives and mutual acquaintances called me out and said I was wrong for excluding a 10 and 7-year-old.
OP fought fire with fire, posting a couple of videos that proved her point and reiterating that she loves the kids but wants to relax and have a good time, not parent them on her birthday.
I responding to Angel’s post by sharing two videos of Sofia and Parker misbehaving while Angel did nothing.
The first video was a recording taken by Megan, where Sofia and Parker were throwing tantrums and yelling at her. Megan was trying to calm Sofia and Parker down while Angel was on her tablet ignoring the situation.
The other video was one that Angel took. Sofia and Parker were yelling, throwing toys at each other, and Parker even called his sister a bad word. Angel was laughing as if it were funny and was again doing nothing to discipline Sofia or Parker.
Both me and Angel’s Facebooks are private, so the only people who are able to view the videos are people who either I or Angel have added as friends. A stranger will not be able to see them.
Angel had already posted the video that she recorded of Sofia and Parker misbehaving, so I merely linked it. Megan had already posted the video that she recorded, just on a different social media platform.
I wrote alongside the videos that I love Sofia and Parker as their aunt. But at the same time, I want a peaceful evening to celebrate my birthday. And I don’t want to be stuck disciplining Sofia and Parker because clearly Angel won’t.
Angel ended up not coming to my birthday at all.
My parents told me that I was in the wrong for sharing those videos, because everyone’s children have acted up and posting those videos didn’t accomplish anything besides embarrassing Angel.
They also said I could have compromised by having a “Nobody under 18” rule for my birthday dinner. Megan would not be able to attend but then Sofia and Parker wouldn’t feel excluded. I do not see how that would be fair to myself or Megan.
AITA For not wanting to make compromises for my birthday dinner?
Some in her life feel that she went too far, but did she?
The top comment says all OP did was defend herself with the truth.
This person agrees that OP just did what she had to do.
They say her sister is not doing those kids any favors in life.
While this commenter wants OP to know she and her family aren’t alone.
They’re not letting the grandparents off the hook, either.
OP is allowed to invite who she wants to her birthday, and even spoke to her sister ahead of time.
The sister is the one who threw the dirty laundry out in public.