Weddings seem to be an extremely fraught time in families, whether they are the bride’s relations, the groom’s, or people who are watching from the sidelines.
OP has a handful of kids, but the ones that matter to this story are his daughter and his two sons – one of whom is non-binary and the other of whom is gay. They are both married to men.
I (56m) have 5 children. This is about 3 of them Casey (26f), Alex (31nb) and Tom (34m). The names are not their true names.
His daughter is engaged to someone from a different country/culture. OP is happy for her and has been footing most, if not all, of the bill for the event.
My daughter Casey is getting married this winter to her fiancé Max (27m) who she has been together with for about 4 years.
I am covering the majority of the wedding expenses as Max’s family lives in a different country and with the currency exchange rate they won’t be able to afford the wedding and both to come to the wedding.
I have no issues with it and just want my little girl to be happy.
That is, until he realized his two sons and their partners had not been invited.
Last week while Casey was away, my children Alex and Tom came to visit with their families and we were talking about wedding invitations.
I was surprised to hear that they haven’t received their wedding invitations, so I just thought that Casey haven’t sent them out yet for everyone, until my oldest and youngest daughter’s pointed out they have received their invitations with their kids and partners invited.
I called my sister who also said Casey has invited their whole family to the wedding too and she received hers a while back, so I immediately saw red.
Both Alex and Tom have husbands and have children (adopted) and it seemed Casey has excluded them because of their choices.
It also seemed weird since Casey has always been close to them and supported them when they came out as non binary and gay respectively.
When he asked his daughter for an explanation, she said her fiance’s family wasn’t comfortable with “non-traditional lifestyles.”
I have called Casey and demanded an explanation.
My daughter said that Max and his family don’t feel comfortable with couples that are not traditional and it goes against their culture and that she hopes for my understanding.
OP told her fine, but if she values their opinion so much they can also pay for the wedding, because he’s not.
He also told her he wouldn’t be walking her down the aisle.
I have told her if that’s the case I will not be walking her down the aisle and pull out from paying for her wedding, as she can not exclude her family like this when they did nothing wrong.
If her future in laws opinion is so important to her, they can pay for the wedding.
She is upset and thinks he’s wrong. His other kids support his decision and so does his wife, even if she still feels for her daughter (as a mother).
As a result Casey has called me an ******* and hung up crying.
My children are on my side, my wife is torn as she understands where Casey comes from but agrees she shouldn’t have excluded her siblings like this.
She is still deeply hurt by what Casey has said as she absolutely adores Alex’s and Tom’s husband’s and their children.
Did OP go too far? Not far enough? Reddit’s weighing in!
The top comment says this is really scummy on all fronts.
They say it’s good to let her know there are real-life consequences to being a bigot.
Some of us like to be in a room of accepting people.
And this commenter says OP is doing the right thing by all of his children.
This is such a tough spot for OP.
He’s definitely doing the right thing, though.