The decision whether or not to pool finances during a relationship is a personal one, and is often fraught, depending on people’s past experiences.
This young lady was in college and living with her boyfriend, and because things were serious, they had a joint savings account.
When I was at uni, I started dating this guy.
At first, he was wonderful. Dedicated to his studies, fun to be around, attentive, and always surprising me with things, working hard at his job etc.
When things went from good to horrible in a few short months and she kicked him out, she didn’t think about it.
Then, bit by bit, things unravelled.
He started skipping classes. Then he barely bothered to go at all. Worse still, he never helped around the house. Never washed up, cleaned up, did laundry – nothing. He was even fired from his job for too many no-shows.
All he wanted to do was sit at home and play X-box or browse the message boards and forums (this was in the days before social media, when dinosaurs roamed the earth).
This left me having to pick up extra shifts – sometimes double and triple shifts – all while going to class and studying.
I later learned that this was a pattern for him. He’d be really dedicated to whatever he set his heart on, but then get bored, and fall back into old bad habits. Then he’d find a new passion, and rinse and repeat.
I knew I should have ended the relationship much sooner, but I held out hope that he would snap out of it, that maybe it was just exam stress getting to him.
I desperately wanted things to go back to how they were. But it was not meant to be. I caught him cheating and threw him out.
After she did, she found that he had taken $5k of mostly her new money and bought a bunch of crap with it.
I was so stressed with everything that it wasn’t until the next day that our joint savings account crossed my mind. There was a little over £5k in there, and bar a few hundred from him, the rest was money I had saved. I checked the account, and it was all gone.
My ex had cleaned out the account and moved into a new flat with his side chick.
I called the bank. There was nothing they could do. He was authorised on the account.
I contacted the police, they told me there was nothing they could do since it was a joint account, so nothing criminal had happened. They suggested taking it to civil court, but said I’d probably spend more money than I got back in legal fees so it likely wasn’t worth it. My ex had stolen £5k and there was nothing I could do about it. I felt like such an idiot.
I got even angrier when I saw his posts on various forums boasting about his new game consoles, new games, new TV’s and gadgets. All bought with MY money.
She wanted revenge, and after thinking about it for a minute, she thought she figured out how to get it.
I’m not usually a vengeful person. Petty on occasion, sure, but I’ve never wanted to exact revenge as much as I did right then.
And I knew just how to do it.
Experience in the debt-collection arena gave her the insider knowledge she needed to pull it off, too.
While I was a student, I temped every summer to help pay for my studies. One such job had been for a debt collection agency. The work was as bad as you can imagine, but it paid really well, and it was only for a few months.
My ex had been dodging debt for many years, and he was very proud of that fact. He was also proud of the fact that his debt was close to being statute barred and he hadn’t paid a penny.
For those of you who don’t know, in the UK, creditors have about 6 years to collect a debt, and then it becomes statute barred – that means the money is still owed but creditors have no legal way to enforce payment (such as usings bailiffs).
My ex was a few months away from reaching statute barred status. However, what a lot of people don’t know is that making a payment on that debt resets the clock.
If you pay any amount, then that 6 years starts from scratch.
Previously, I had used my insider knowledge to help him dodge the debt. Now, I would use it to hit him where it hurt.
OP learned a lesson about joint bank accounts, but she also was able to get what revenge she could.
By the end of our relationship, I was handling everything – including his debts. I had the paperwork, so I knew who he owed and how much.
I called his creditors up. I was honest and said I was a friend calling to make a payment on his behalf. I didn’t pretend to be him because that would be a big legal no-no.
They weren’t allowed to disclose any details, but they were able to take payment.
I paid the minimum I could on each debt – about £1 on most, but one had a minimum payment of £1.50. It was the best £8.50 I have ever spent.
I also made sure to give them his new address and contact details, as well as his parent’s address. Having worked in ‘the biz’, I knew they wouldn’t change the address since I wasn’t the account holder, but they would note it.
They had various systems where they could search for his name against that address and see if anything came up. If they got a hit, they’d change the address.
The trap was set. All I had to do was wait.
A few months rolled by. Then it happened. His posts on the forums went from boasting about his new gaming PC to panic about a court date.
He called me and begged for advice. I told him to eff off.
Seeing I wouldn’t help, he asked for advice in the forums. One of his online friends told him not to turn up to court, that way they wouldn’t be able to prosecute without him there. It was terrible advice that was 100% untrue.
In fact, not showing up is one of the worst things you can do, especially in civil court. This was getting better and better.
The court date came and went. My ex, naturally, didn’t go. A few weeks later, my ex posted photos of his empty flat. Bailiffs had cleaned him out and taken every last one of his shiny new gadgets and toys.
On top of that, he ended up with several CCJ’s (County Court Judgements).
These are a big deal and can seriously damage your credit history, making it hard to get bank accounts outside of basic ones, near impossible to get credit (including getting a mortgage), and it can also make it hard to rent a place since many landlords don’t like renting to people with CCJ’s as they’re considered high risk.
He also won’t be able to find jobs in the financial sector.
And I guess that’s better than nothing.
Now that he was broke and didn’t have nice things, his side chick left him.
I never got my £5k back, but it felt good to see everything he bought with his ill-gotten gains taken away. Hope that £5k was worth it.
What does Reddit think? Let’s hear it!
The top comment is glad OP learned the lesson about joint accounts.
Because there are some heartless people out there.
Lots of people think there are good reasons to keep separate accounts always.
You never know when you’ll need that individual savings.
They say now it’s time for OP to let it go and move on.
This is a tough lesson learned.
Better earlier than later, though.
If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.