Blending families is not an impossible task. That said, it’s not as easy as some parents want it to be – and it doesn’t happen as fast as some would like it to, either.
OP is a 16yo boy who has been an only child since his mother died when he was young. Recently, his dad began dating someone long distance, and after just two months, his new wife and her 4yo daughter moved in.
My dad got married a little over a month ago. I (16m) met his wife and her daughter just under 2 months ago. They had a long distance relationship before that. Dad’s stepdaughter is 4.
The incident in question happened a week ago. My dad’s wife’s daughter wasn’t home. I think she was with a friend of my dad’s or something. But they did that so they could talk to me.
When his dad and stepmom sat him down for a serious discussion, he was confused as to why.
Dad’s wife told me that she and my dad needed me to know that her daughter would need me more than ever.
She told me that while she was married to her ex husband she had an affair and that her daughter was born as a result of the affair. Also, that her older kids all made it clear they were disgusted by her and found her repulsive as an affair baby and she said they made it clear they would never consider her a sibling or treat her the same as they treat each other.
She’s tainted by the way she was born and all this stuff.
She told me that meeting my dad was the best thing ever and she was so grateful they had the chance to move so her daughter wouldn’t grow up feeling hated every day.
So she had the chance at a family who would love her and treat her the way she deserved to be treated.
He replied that he wasn’t sure why any of this was his concern and his dad and stepmom acted like he was the most horrible person alive.
I didn’t really get why she was telling me at that moment and I felt like it was a weird thing to bring up to me. So I asked why this stuff was my problem when they were still practically strangers to me.
They got mad and told me that was a horrific way to react to being told “my new sister” was treated terribly before and hated for something she could not control. They told me it should be obvious why I was being told, because they wanted me to make an effort to be her older brother and not just a step brother she lived with for two years and then turned his back on her once he was out of the house.
They said I could be a great addition to her life and I should be honored that I get the chance to have a sibling because losing my mom so young and dad not finding anyone else special until years later meant I could have remained an only child forever.
My reaction was not what they liked and then they told me my attitude was a problem and my reaction to being given relevant information as well as my lack of enthusiasm to be there for dad’s new stepdaughter was painting me in a negative light.
Should he have reacted differently?
Dad’s wife told me I was lucky they had the foresight not to say this with her daughter in the house because it would be crushing for a little girl to pick up on my lack of affection for her.
I asked where the affection was meant to come from after so little time and being thrown together as strangers.
The last week they have made comments about my attitude and my dad told me I was out of order being so rude and dismissive with my “why’s this my problem?”
AITA?
You know Reddit will let them know!
The top comment says that OPs dad and stepmom’s expectations are totally skewed.
And this person agrees, and says close sibling relationships have to develop on their own.
This commenter says the whole thing smacks of narcissism.
They give the advice of keeping his head down and waiting out the storm.
It sounds like they could all benefit from some therapy.
But here’s hoping it’s upward from here.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parent’s 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.