A nightmare roommate. Many of us have had to suffer through them.
And if you haven’t, then maybe you’ve been one?
This woman took to Reddit to share her story about a woman who seems like an absolute nightmare!
Bring your popcorn, because this is a long one.
Loony Lucy is a slovenly, food-stealing, clothing-destroying waste of carbon.
I dealt with it by keeping my space clean and ignoring her areas, storing my food at work or my boyfriend’s place, and installing a lock on my bedroom door so she couldn’t “borrow” outfits that “looked like she could fit into” when she had 30 pounds on me.
The writer of this story was creative in making the best of the situation.
All that made Loony Lucy a bad roommate, but I had my work-arounds and she had the one saving grace of being Quiet At Night. So I put up with it.
I put up with it, that is, until she broke our Cardinal Roommate Rule: no one gets a key to the apartment without both roommates agreeing. The rule was sacred; I couldn’t even give a key to my boyfriend of more than a year.
We see where this is going…
Unbeknownst to me, Loony Lucy had met a guy online who lived several hours away. Within two weeks of “meeting” him, she invites him to meet IRL and stay over for the weekend.
Loony Lucy then mailed this strange man a key to our apartment because he was going to get into town before she got off work.
Oh. My. God.
You read that right: a man she talked to for only two weeks, had never actually met and who I didn’t know about now had a key to our shared apartment, and she wasn’t going to be there to greet him.
But I was.
Really? A trench coat?
I’m starting laundry while wearing only my Victoria’s Secret robe because I’ll be hopping into the shower right after. I hear the lock snick, turn around and see the door swing open to reveal a thin, Creepy-Looking Guy in a trench coat who just stands there silently while I freeze like an idiot rabbit.
In flight or fight, she’s going fight.
CLG suddenly steps forward into the apartment, I come out of my startle, scream bloody murder and chuck the laundry detergent at his head before scrambling into my bedroom and locking the door.
He’s yelling that it’s ok, he’s Loony Lucy’s boyfriend. I scream at him that I don’t care who he is, get out or I’m calling the cops and my 6-foot-4, built-like-a-tank boyfriend.
CLG leaves, and to his credit, even locks the door behind him. Poor, poor CLG.
Even after explaining the incident, Lucy doesn’t get it.
I call Loony Lucy and ask her if CLG is her boyfriend and if she gave him a key. She said he was, and she did.
She gushes about how they “met;” I hang up on her mid-sentence and call my boyfriend (who, lucky me, actually is 6-foot-4 and built like a tank).
He comes over, we pack up the essentials and I move in with him that day. We hadn’t thought we were quite ready for that step, turns out that in the face of Loony Lucy we were.
No apology or even excuses from Loony Lucy when BF and I go back the next week to get the rest of my stuff. She yells at me that it’s my fault that I overreacted and that I’m lucky CLG didn’t press charges for the mild concussion my laundry detergent gave him.
And here comes sweet, sweet revenge.
Now, I’m slow to true anger. I’ll complain and moan with the rest of them, but actual rage is not in my usual repertoire of emotion. But guess what? I’m there now. Loony Lucy needs to pay.
Still have that popcorn? Good.
Now, the 2-year lease is in my name only because Loony Lucy’s credit is so bad that nowhere in the “good” part of town would take her; she’d been living with her parents over an hour away from her job for months before we started rooming together. Hindsight tells me this is because no one else would room with her prior to me.
Hindsight’s a *****.
So there’s nothing legally preventing me from subletting the apartment for the remaining 14 months on the lease. I could also evict her, but that wouldn’t be nearly as fun as what I decided to do instead.
Hey, as long as no one gets hurt or harmed, all is fair in love and war.
I post a roommate ad on Craigslist, and make it quite the deal: I’ll keep my original deposit on file and pay the first two months’ rent and sublet fee, on the condition that they know they’re living with food-thieving, clothing-destroying, slob.
I may want revenge, but I’m not willing to sucker some innocent person into it.
Over the next couple weeks I get a few nibbles, but no one has the flavor I’m looking for to match Loony Lucy.
Then I get a message from Kevin.
Kevin goes down my list of warnings. Kevin doesn’t care about the food-thieving; he orders takeout and hates leftovers. For obvious reasons, Kevin isn’t worried about Loony Lucy borrowing his clothes. And Kevin admits that he’s a huge slob and not having to pay attention to it is actually a plus.
Kevin says the two-months rent seems kind of excessive and that there must be more to the story if I’m willing to pay that on top of the deposit and the sublet fee.
So I tell Kevin the rest of the story.
Kevin tells me he’ll take the deal, but I should know something about him. Kevin says he is very happily active in the singles scene.
Not looking to settle down, but very much looking to continue bringing home a revolving door of **** buddies. Sometimes they’ll stay for a couple days or a week at a time, so it’s good to know the key rule isn’t really that big a deal.
A match made in heaven.
I tell him it sounds like he and Loony Lucy will be a good roommate match.
Kevin fills out the paperwork, leasing office does its credit/background check and gives it the green light. I mail Kevin my key.
Nailed it.
Kevin moves in.
I get a frantic call from Loony Lucy about a strange man showing up saying he lives there with her now. I tell her that’s right, he does, and explain the subletting process. She starts raging at me, I hang up and mute her calls.
Over the next few days I get a lot of voicemails. Some raging, some whining, some begging.
Loony Lucy has been forced to clean and take out the trash like a slave or something because Kevin doesn’t bother.
Loony Lucy can’t move out because she can’t get a lease anywhere else and her parents won’t let her move back home.
Loony Lucy has to keep paying her half of the rent because Kevin told her if she stopped he’d change the locks and move all her stuff out.
An unexpected twist!
After a few weeks of radio silence, Loony Lucy calls again and I decide to pick up.
She tells me she’s so happy to get a hold of me; I have to do something. Kevin is now bringing men home every couple nights and sometimes they don’t leave for days and days.
“Yeah, having a roommate who hands out keys without your consent to guys you don’t know is a *****, isn’t it.”
Slow clap…
Readers on Reddit were all for the writer’s genius payback.
One person called the plan “tasty.”
Another reader gave props to both the writer and Kevin.
The only empathy spotted was this person’s comment on Creepy Looking Guy.
Hopefully Loony Lucy learned her lesson!
Probably not…
If you thought that was an interesting read, check out what happened when a family gave their in-laws a free place to stay in exchange for babysitting, but things changed when they don’t hold up their end of the bargain.