You always kind of have to step lightly when dealing with your in-laws. They’re not your family, not really – and more than that, you didn’t grow up navigating their dynamics.
That said, when their decisions affect you and your family, sometimes you have to wade into those waters.
OP’s sister-in-law has never been independent, for unspecified reasons.
Me (41f) and my husband (42m) have been married for 10 years and have 2 kids. My husband’s family are lovely, but don’t seem to talk about anything difficult.
My SIL (40f), let’s call her Daisy, lives at home with them. Daisy has always lived at home and struggles with managing her finances.
She’s great at her job, but is on minimum wage, and her parents pay for her car, accommodation, food, phone etc.
Her in-laws provide for her financially and she doesn’t make enough to support her lifestyle.
My MIL (78m) and FIL (80m) are retired and have enough savings to go on nice holidays etc, and so this is not an issue for them. SIL will make some unnecessary purchases, eg.
Bought a new apple laptop to upgrade her one which was 3 years old, uses high-end hair products and cosmetics, is subscribed to all the streaming services, will regularly buy new clothing/ shoes etc.
They’ve made a few “jokes” about passing the responsibility on to them.
I wouldn’t have minded any of this, except recently my MIL has recently been making comments along the lines of “she’ll be living with you when we’re gone”, and implied we’ll have to manage her car etc.
They’ve done this joke before and don’t do any of this conversation with my husband.
I got a bit annoyed at this as no-one seems to think that there are any other options for her to improve her finances. (Eg. Parents could plan to one day move out of the large 4 bedroom house they are in, downsize and buy SIL a flat).
So, OP wants to tell them that they’d better make a plan for her now.
If they don’t make that plan then i worry she will spend anything she inherits and not have anywhere to live/ not plan. This happened with an earlier large inheritance she got from grandparents.
When the topic of moving out has been brought up in the past by FIL, she just walks out of the room. My husband thinks it may have been a joke comment, and to not rock the boat. I know it’s none of my business, so
WIBTA for asking them to make a financial plan for their daughter’s future which doesn’t involve “Brother and SIL will just take on the role of parent”.
Does Reddit agree with her or her husband? Let’s find out!
The top comment says more discussion is definitely needed.
This person says definitely don’t just let it lie.
Or she could use the time-honored response of laughing at the “joke.”
Another option is just taking the bull by the horns, so to speak.
Everyone is wondering what her husband thinks about all of this.
So many options here.
I’m sure OP will find the one that works for her.
If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.