Everyone wants to think their children are good and honest, kind and thoughtful.
The truth is, though, that our kids are human – which means that sometimes, they’re not those things at all.
OP has a stepson and a daughter who are around the same age. Everyone gets along.
I (44M) am a widow of a previous marriage and so is my wife (42F). She has a son (19M) from her previous marriage and I have a daughter (17F) as well.
We dated for roughly 5 years before being married for 3 years now and our kids have known each other since the beginning, no major fights or weirdness besides getting to know someone else as a parent/guardian.
Because his son was good at basketball, they figured they could pay his daughter’s college tuition.
My son was a tremendous athlete in basketball and I used to play in college at a school I’m sure none of you heard of.
Regardless, I know the ins and outs of basketball and when he asked me to coach him, I was more than happy to.
Turns out that he was good, really good. Division 1 good.
My wife is a controller and I’m a pharmacist, together, we make a very, very comfortable living, but are not rich.
So when my son was getting scholarship offers for basketball, I realized we could pay for my daughter’s college in full and neither of them would have any student loan debt when they graduate.
A plan that I shared with my daughter, which I think was a mistake to begin with.
Then, his son was in an accident.
These plans changed when my son tried riding on someone else’s motorcycle, with their permission, but with zero training, and got badly injured on a ensuing crash.
He lost part of his hand and foot, not life threatening, but basketball ending.
This happened last year and my son has been in a deep depression that we’re desperately trying to bring him out of, but he feels like his entire identity got ripped away in the blink of an eye.
He’s been in counseling and prescribed medication but it has not helped thus far.
Recently he confided in me that the pills he’s on have unfortunate side effects with his libido to virtually zero interest and wants to stop them.
I told him the important thing is that he’s with us, but he can bring that up with his doctor next visit.
His daughter was laughing at his troubles with a friend.
Fast forward about 2 weeks.
I’m upstairs looking for something in my room and I heard my daughter talking to her friends on her phone about college.
The conversation turned towards her brother and she said she “can’t wait to be gone, I’m tired hearing (her brother) cry every day” and saying his hand is gross.
I knew “spirits” in the house has shifted since he became injured, but I didn’t think she felt this type of way.
I was gonna talk to her later about this, but then I heard her say “I heard him say that he can’t even get it up” while laughing.
At that, I was furious.
I stormed in her room, took her phone, laptop, car keys and TV out of her room.
I told her she should be ashamed of how she’s talking about her brother and he might do something permanent if he heard you talking about him like that.
OP isn’t sure he can forgive her.
When my wife got home, we talked about what happened and while she’s proud of the way I stood up for my son, she thinks it’s too far to also not pay for her college, since we could easily do so.
WIBTA if I don’t pay for my daughter’s college?
The top comment on Reddit says it might be time for a heart-to-heart instead.
They want to be sure OP knows neither he or his daughter are bad people.
This commenter agrees she’s almost certainly acting out.
And this person says what the daughter did was fine to do in private.
A gentler hand is likely required.
I understand this guy’s reaction.
But I think leveler heads need to prevail.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.