Family dynamics are typically difficult to navigate here and there.
When you’re blending families, it can be an ongoing, day-to-day gauntlet, even when everyone is on board and trying.
OP’s mother died and her father remarried a woman with a daughter close to her age.
After my dad married Jane 7 years ago he started to get really involved in her daughter Amy’s (16f) life. I (15f) felt left out.
My life had been really difficult up to then and I was struggling with everything. I had lost my mom two years before, and I also suffered a brain injury and was grieving the loss of a lot of memories of my mom.
I was recovering and dad was distracted with Jane. It was tough.
Her father threw himself into being a stepdad, at OP’s expense.
But then my dad got along with Amy so much better and he always seemed more into the time he spent with her than the time he spent with me.
He also shared more of his own interests with her. He took her to special places he adored that he didn’t ever take me to.
And I wanted to go. He shared with her stuff he didn’t share with me.
When she tried to talk to him, he brushed her off.
I was jealous and I was hurt. I tried to explain to my dad but he told me it was selfish to want to keep him to myself and to leave Amy without a dad and how her dad didn’t want to know her so he needed to fill that role for her.
Amy would tell me to just accept that dad liked her better and he was her dad more than mine now. My dad knew about it and didn’t care.
He did spend time with me. But it was stuff I liked and he’d act like it was the biggest burden to spend time with me. He fell asleep a few times and he would zone out a lot and leave me to do the stuff alone even though he was physically there.
So, she began building a relationship with her grandfather.
My grandpa, my dad’s dad, noticed and he started spending more time with me and creating a bond with me that we didn’t have before.
My dad isn’t that close to his dad. But grandpa has been the best. He even loved my mom and he told me how sad it made him when my parents divorced. He’s told me stories about her and about her and me that I don’t remember any longer.
It has been amazing and apparently it has healed a lot of the pain of my dad’s lack of interest because my dad noticed and he got SO jealous.
Now, her dad is upset about that.
He confronted me a few days ago saying I was ignoring him and spending way too much time with grandpa. He asked me why I stopped asking about our time together.
I told very clear he prefers spending time with Amy and can’t stand time with me, so I’m spending time with someone who enjoys me.
He told me I don’t have the right to rub my favoritism of grandpa in his face. I called him a hypocrite and told him he treated Amy better than me for years, he showed favoritism to her, opened up to her and shared with her in a way he never did with me and it wasn’t okay.
I told him he then called me selfish for telling him how it made me feel.
She doesn’t know why she should care.
I told him she knows him better than I do and it’s not my fault. I said he allowed that to happen and allowed her to feel so smug about it. He walked away from the conversation.
Dad decided the two of us need family therapy yesterday. He came out with it from nowhere. He said it’s the only way to fix it.
I told him family therapy won’t fix us when he can’t even stay and have a conversation with me.
He told me I used to be willing to try and now I’m not and it’s not okay.
Will Reddit advise her to put in the work with her dad? Let’s find out!
The top comment says that so far, dad has been all talk.
This person agrees that, all things considered, she’s handling things well.
But this commenter thinks therapy could help her dad, at least.
Maybe grandpa could go along for support.
They definitely think dad is playing with fire.
This dad doesn’t know what he’s lost.
Because he won’t even admit he’s done anything wrong.
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