Sensory issues are no joke, and more adults probably suffer from them than we realize when we’re out and about.
I mean, I just realized in the past couple of years that I have misophonia.
This man’s brother-in-law has some mental health issues that can be overwhelming.
Using a throwaway since I post on some relevant subs from time to time. My brother in law is 32 (wife and I are 25).
While I don’t doubt that some of his issues are real (autism, adhd, set point obesity) it is my distinct impression that he exploits people’s perception of these things to be a controlling prick.
In the family saying such things is completely forbidden however.
So, when they invited his in-laws to dinner, they were relieved he couldn’t come.
We offered to take my MIL and FIL out for Easter dinner so no one has to cook.
The timing offered was strategic since we knew BIL Had planning on watching tiktok live stream of some 19 year old influencer who is blowing up right now.
Except, he did.
I guess either he got the time wrong or she cancelled early so my heart sank when he was coming along because I knew there was going to be drama.
This guy ordered what he wanted for dinner, missing his wife’s hints.
We went to a place famous for bar food and I ordered nachos.
My wife begged me to order something else but she wasn’t direct with me about the problem and I didn’t get her hints.
The brother-in-law had a meltdown and the poster admittedly lost his cool.
As soon as I took my first bite or nachos my BIL started shrieking like a child and throwing a little tantrum that she crunch was “offending him” and he’s going to lose it because black olives don’t belong on nachos because they are from Spain not Mexico.
My wife, MIL and FIL told me I really screwed up and that I was making him uncomfortable.
In a moment of pure honesty I told them that the list of “not alloweds” around Brian is so long and ridiculous that I can’t keep up.
My wife said she tried to tell me.
I said no you didn’t tell me, you tiptoed around it like we do every time this creep ruins a family function.
Now he and his wife (and in-laws) are on rocky ground.
BIL, FIL and MIL got up and left leaving us with the bill and needless to say things between me and my wife have been tense ever since and we really haven’t spoken.
I am absolutely the a—— for my choice of words after he freaked out and I get that but I also think things needed to be said.
But my question is am I the a—— for ordering the nachos?
My wife says I should have known since she’s sure she’s told me and I had to have noticed that they never have chips around because his misophonia can’t handle the crunch.
AITA here?
Should the posted have ordered something else for dinner? I wonder if Reddit sees the wife’s side!
The top comment says this is not the poster’s problem.
This person agrees that you can’t make your problems other people’s problems.
They say no matter how you slice it, it’s brother-in-law’s issue.
But this commenter sounds like they don’t think the guy will change any of his in-law’s minds.
They also say issues like this are fairly easily managed.
This is a ridiculous expectation, imho.
You can’t control what other people order in a restaurant.
If you liked that post, check out this post about a rude customer who got exactly what they wanted in their pizza.