When someone we love dies, we want to honor their memory as best we can. Sometimes there are disagreements about to celebrate the legacy of that person.

The dispute in this story got pretty heated. Read it and you’ll see why.

AITA for refusing to add a charity to the list of places people can donate in lieu of flowers?

I have a friend who thinks I’m being an ******* for refusing to compromise and more friends backing her up.

My sister Eliza died in an accident in March.

My family is big on giving back to the community. So for her funeral, in lieu of flowers we asked that people donate to a charity in Eliza’s honor.

There was no question about what cause was the closest to her heart.

She was a huge animal lover, she was involved in animal rights causes like conservation and banning animal testing, and volunteered and fostered pets for adoption.

So the charities we chose were for animal welfare, ex: ASPCA or Best Friends Animal Society.

One of my friends (not Eliza’s friend) didn’t think this was good enough.

She wanted to donate to another charity for a cause that’s been in the news a lot lately. Let’s say, trans rights.Which is noble and important, but it wasn’t Eliza.

If she had money, it’s going towards saving endangered orangutans or feeding homeless cats.

Like most drama today, it ended up in a friend’s social media and now other friends are sharing their opinions on the dispute.

My friend Pat got hissy with me. She said she didn’t want to waste money on someone who isn’t going to notice and would rather her paycheck goes to something that will actually make a difference.

I told her no because the donations are for Eliza, not her. I’m not budging on this.

Of course, Pat took to social media to paint me out as a villain.

Our other friends think that I should have made an exception to Pat and let her donate to the other charity.

I still said no because it feels gross.

Pat donating somewhere else isn’t about Eliza, it’s just an excuse for her to virtue signal.

Anyway, the funeral was a few weeks ago and things are still tense between me and the people I’m doubting our friendships with.

AITA?

Let’s check out what people are saying.

I’m not sure I’d call it virtue signalling. Unless you’re anti-trans, why would this be a problem?

I prefer this option. Leave it open. It doesn’t sound like this person would be mad if someone supported trans rights on her behalf.

Dealing with a horrible tragedy is dramatic enough. This had to be so upsetting.

Hmm. I doubt that would change her approach. Instead, it might fuel it.

I don’t understand why people are like this.

Remind me to put in my will that I want people to honor me with whatever they care about.

If you liked that story, read this one about grandparents who set up a college fund for their grandkid because his parents won’t, but then his parents want to use the money to cover sibling’s medical expenses.