If there’s one thing that living with a roommate teaches you, its the importance of some time to yourself.

Especially in college, it feels like every time you want a moment of silence is the moment your roommate chooses to blast music. Or they want to loudly play video games while you’re trying to sleep.

So when you do get the room to yourself? It’s like heaven. You can walk around in your underwear, you can scream at the top of your lungs. You can even just take a nap!

But when this user’s roommate was never home, she was actually upset, saying if she was going to be spending that much time at her boyfriend’s, she could just move out!

Was she in the wrong to, in her words, “set that boundary”? See for yourself!

AITA for telling my friend she can’t stay here if she’s gonna be at her boyfriend’s all of the time?

My friend moved in with me and my 3 year old a couple months ago with her 4 year old and cat.

She is mostly only here when she has her kid but the days the kid is with her dad, my friend is hardly ever here, and is over at her boyfriend’s house

She does come to make sure the litter is cleaned, and the cats (because i have a cat too) are fed before she leaves, but she’s really never here.

It was an entire month of her leaving the house right after getting home from work, spending some time with the cat, then going straight to her boyfriend’s.

And for some reason, this really posed a problem for OP.

She was starting to leave when i asked her if she was going to her boyfriend’s. She said yes, then grabbed her keys.

I stopped her and said we really needed to talk about her constantly at her boyfriend’s.

She said “what is there to talk about?”

I told her that I didn’t appreciate her going there almost everyday if she was going to live here and that there needs to be boundaries.

But much like many of us reading, OP’s friend asked how her not being there was an issue for OP?

My friend said how she is there every night that she has her kid, and that she only leaves when she doesn’t because that’s the only time she can see him.

She stated that she would invite him here but she wants to be courteous to myself and my son.

So she just goes over there and ends up staying the night so that she isn’t coming through the door very late when my son is sleeping.

She asked if this was about her leaving the cat there some days, and mentioned that this was not something I told her would be an issue when establishing house rules.

When OP still wasn’t understanding her confusion, she told her point blank that she wasn’t just gonna not see her boyfriend.

She has also said that she shouldn’t have to adjust her social life just because she moved in, but i’ve told her it’s my house, i have rules and boundaries.

She’s moved into it and I feel like she can move in with her boyfriend if this is really a problem.

I told her it wasn’t about the cat, it was about her never or hardly being here for days at a time, when she lives here.

She said she wasn’t gonna just not see her boyfriend and didn’t understand the issue then walked away. This made me feel confused and now i’m wondering if i might be wrong? AITA?

Unless the house rules also stated that they had to spend every waking minute together, I don’t see how this could possibly be such an issue for OP!

Reddit was just as confused as I was, saying as long as she was fulfilling her responsibilities as a roommate, her presence had no effect on OP.

Others said being a roommate doesn’t mean you’re at someone’s beck and call.

Some thought OP was hoping she would be like a college roommate.

And finally, this user outlined three reasons why OP could have been justifiably upset, but why none of them actually applied to her roommate!

Doesn’t everyone want a roommate who is NEVER there?

If you found that story interesting, learn more about why people often wake up around 3 AM and keep doing it for life.