His Wife Won’t Stand up to Her Parents, So He Told Her He’s Going To Pick And Choose What Family Events He’ll Go To From Now On

Matthew Gilligan

5 months ago

Source: Reddit/Unsplash/@davidtoddmccarty

Talk about being run ragged…

I’m exhausted after going to one social outing and I don’t even have kids…

So it makes my brain hurt to think about having to go to the number of family events that this guy has to deal with.

But the big question remains: is he acting like a jerk?

Read on and see what you think.

AITA For refusing to attend family events on my wife’s side unless she stands up for herself?

“My wife (35F) and I (36M) have been married for 4 years and have 2 kids (3 & 1).

My wife’s parents divorced when she was a teenager and both her mom and dad have since remarried. There is a lot of competition between her mom, dad, and stepmom in terms of “family time.”

This sounds exhausting.

Everything has to be equal. Meaning if we spend an afternoon with her mom, then we have to do the same thing with her dad and stepmom.

Mom and stepmom especially put a lot of pressure on my wife and guilt trip her about it.

My wife has a lot of trouble standing up for herself and saying “no.” Before we had kids, this wasn’t as big of a deal. If we had to attend 2-3 different Thanksgivings or Xmas gatherings, not a huge deal.

I mean, it sucked, but it wasn’t the end of the world. Now though, with 2 young kids, it’s exhausting and I absolutely can’t stand it.

He’s about to snap.

My wife and I have had numerous talks about her setting boundaries about this because I am at the end of my rope with it. The bickering and pressure is constant and the need to keep everything “equal” essentially determines our entire non-work schedule.

We had to attend 2 separate Easter events this Spring (we’re not even religious) because we went to one with her mom, so we “had” to do one with her dad and stepmom.

After that, I told my wife I was done with this. I told her that she needs to stand up to her parents and start setting boundaries and saying “no.”

He gave her an ultimatum.

I told her I won’t allow her parents to continue to dictate how we live our lives. I told her if she is incapable of doing this, then I will absolutely step in and tell them off.

But she begged me not to do that because she doesn’t want to ruffle any feathers and promised she would do better. Of course, that didn’t happen.

We ended up having to run around to 3 separate places on Memorial weekend because of this same stuff.

After we got home from the last stop, I told my wife I am done with this and will now pick and choose which things I want to go to.

He’s over it.

I won’t stop her from going and I will stay home with one or both kids if she doesn’t want to take them, but I’m done.

Lo and behold, this past weekend she was talking to her mom and 4th of July came up. My FIL had already invited us to his house for a pool day and my wife told her mom about it.

Sorry, not gonna happen.

So, of course we have to do something with them that weekend as well. When my wife told me about this, I told her that I will not be attending both and I will choose if I want to attend either.

My wife must have vented to her mom about this because a couple days later, I got a call from my wife’s stepdad (the only sane person in this, really).

He told me that he completely agrees with me and that he’s talked with his wife numerous times about not pressuring my wife, but she doesn’t listen either.

He suggested that whenever his wife pressures my wife into keeping things “equal,” that he and I go golfing together instead.

When I told my wife about this idea, she called me a jerk and told me I’m being unsupportive.”

Here’s what people had to say on Reddit.

This reader shared their thoughts.