When dealing with extended family, knowing when someone makes the transition from being a child to an adult (for things like invitations, table placement, etc) can be weird.

Sometimes, kids are seen as adults when they turn 18, other times 21, and sometimes it is much later than that.

When someone is fully living on their own for years, however, the family should definitely extend them the curtesy of acknowledging they are an adult.

OP’s cousin in this story just added “and kids” on her wedding invitation and sent it to OP’s mom.

She was then upset when OP didn’t know about the wedding and had other plans.

Read on for full details and to see who is really at fault.

WIBTA For Missing My Cousin’s Wedding because She Didn’t Send Me My Own Invitation

This is petty, to be honest, but I’ll give some backstory, so maybe it will make a little more sense.

So, I (26F) have a large extended family, like 10 cousins, most of whom have multiple kids now large.

Ok, 26 years old is well-beyond the age where someone should be considered a child, but I guess every family is different.

Despite being one of the oldest (3rd), I’m still kind of treated like a child.

I believe this is because my family has a habit of having kids pretty young (i.e., Lots of teen moms and even those who plan for children have had them in their early twenties) and I’m child-free.

OP seems pretty reasonable. She’s not making a big deal out of it, even if it does annoy her.

It irks me since I’ve always been pretty independent, and now that I’m approaching my late 20s and have been living on my own for nearly 6 years, you’d think I’d get a little respect as an adult.

But apparently not.

This is an important detail. She lives 3 hours away!

So I live about 3 hours away from where the rest of my family does, and I have been planning for months to visit for the Pride Parade held there.

I live in a big city and the one they do here is just too hectic, so I prefer to go to that one.

Well, I messaged my mom today asking when she’s free so I can figure out a good time to visit with her and my siblings.

She tells me not to worry about seeing just them, that we’ll be able to spend plenty of time together at Cousin’s (F22) wedding on Saturday.

Cue confusion.

I’ll be honest. I would wonder why I didn’t get an invitation too.

I didn’t know Cousin was getting married this weekend, because I didn’t get any kind of invitation.

I tell her that, and she’s also confused because there’s no reason Cousin wouldn’t have invited me.

I tell her it’s no big deal anyways because I already have plans for that day.

Come on. She’s still an ‘and kids’ when she is 26 and lives 3 hours away?

Well, I guess she mentioned something to Aunt (Cousin’s mom) because she messaged me a few hours ago to tell me that I WAS invited, that I was on my mom’s invitation as “and Kids”.

I tell her that that’s too bad, because I already have plans for that night and that if they had really wanted me to go, they should have sent me my own invitation.

I am an adult and live 3 hours away, so, of course, my mom isn’t going to think I’m included in her “and Kids” invitation.

I wasn’t going to change my plans on a dime because of their shortsightedness.

Well, apparently, that makes me an a**hole.

How can they be upset when it was really their own fault?

I’ve been getting messages from family left and right telling me I should skip the parade, that Cousin’s wedding is more important because it’s a one-time thing, but they do the parade every year.

I haven’t prepared to go to a wedding at all and I’m not very close to that part of the family (they are ultra religious).

I’m pretty sure Cousin, herself, doesn’t even care if I’m there or not.

So, Reddit, WIBTA if I didn’t go?

This is a tough situation. Obviously OP is NTA no matter what she decides to do. It would be nice if she changed her plans to go, but absolutely not necessary.

In my opinion, her cousin should have sent her an invitation but it doesn’t make her an AH for making a simple mistake.

The rest of the family that is giving her a hard time, on the other hand, are being AHs.

Let’s see if other Redditors agree.

Trying to drop everything to go to the wedding would be a lot of work. Maybe you could expect that from a parent or sibling, but not from a cousin.

Good question. If Mom didn’t RSVP for OP then her cousin should have known she wasn’t going to be there.

Yup. I would have assumed this was just a generic invite and that it didn’t apply to my kids.

Yeah. Even if Mom told her months ago, OP might have just assumed that cousins weren’t invited to the wedding. No big deal.

I feel the same way. You have to be understanding to mistakes people make when planning a wedding, but you don’t have to drop everything to change your plans last minute.

She’s obviously an adult.

If you liked that post, check out this one about an employee that got revenge on HR when they refused to reimburse his travel.