In a relationship, there are a couple of big dates you never want to forget: your anniversary, your partner’s birthday, etc..

But being a good partner isn’t just about remembering the important dates, its about listening to your significant other and taking an active interest in their life and accomplishments.

So when this user’s husband refused to check his email where she had sent him the details of her PHD defense, he was upset when the defense came and went without her telling him.

Should she have reminded her husband of such a big moment in her career, or should he have cared enough to check his email? Decide for yourself!

AITA for not reminding my husband about a huge event in my life?

I’m currently a PhD student and also work. Hence, I’m busy. I made some changes to my project right before my confirmation seminar.

I’m only mentioning this because my husband was well aware of my increased workload and pending deadline.

I told him confirmation was rapidly approaching and he asked if he could come to the presentation. I told him I wasn’t sure but would ask.

So when her school sent the details of her PHD presentation, she forward it to her husband…

Then the university sent out my presentation details email with a zoom link. I forwarded it straight to him.

A few days go by and I realised he hadn’t mentioned it. I asked if he read the email and he said no. I asked him to read it.

A few more days go by, I asked him again to please read it. At this stage I realized that not only had he not read the email but he hadn’t bothered to enquire about the presentation.

But OP said that the saddest part of the whole situation was that this wasn’t abnormal for her husband…

Unfortunately this is fairly normal for him. He doesn’t often enquire about much about me, ask me many questions about my day etc and I admit I’m tired of being ignored.

I could have ‘reminded’ him the day of the presentation but to be honest I didn’t want to.

I wanted him to care enough to either ask or read the email.  This is where I might be the jerk.

Tired of having to beg her husband to take an interest in her life, she let the presentation come and go without telling her husband.

Presentation day comes and I present and pass. He has no idea and still doesn’t ask.

After a couple of days I decided to finally mention it to him.

He things I’m a jerk for not reminding him. I think he’s the jerk for not caring enough to ask.

AITA?

Absolutely not, especially when she did remind him by asking him to read the email he had sent you!

If my boyfriend told me there was an important message I had missed, then I would stop everything and check it!

Reddit felt for OP, and this fellow PHD graduate said it sounded like the couple was overdue for some counseling.

This user bluntly told OP that it sounded like her husband simply didn’t care enough to take an interest.

Another person said that considering all of the time and effort that went into a PHD, this was a pretty serious offense on the husband’s part.

Finally, many people said that this type of story was all too common on the internet…

You gotta show up, fam!

If you liked that post, check out this post about a woman who tracked down a contractor who tried to vanish without a trace.