There’s never a dull day when you live next to an eccentric neighbor.
This couple, fed up with their nosy neighbor’s antics, decide to give her a whiff of revenge that sends her scurrying.
Read on to find out what it was!
Bucket Woman (aka Bucketty) hangs around next door to keep an eye on the place.
My teenage son suspects she lives in the rafters.
She has decidedly eccentric opinions on rubbish bins, garden upkeep and interior décor, which she is not afraid to share.
Fortunately she is deterred by jets of cold water from sprinklers. Namely because my partner said it was “Like living next door to Hyacinth [expletive] Bucket”.
Bucketty continues to be a nuisance to this family.
Bucketty keeps complaining to the council about our unlicensed chooks (chickens). We don’t have any.
Eventually my partner, Martin, connected the dots and worked out she complained every time he put Dynamic Lifter on the garden.
Dynamic Lifter is a chook poo-based fertiliser, and it reeks. (You can get reduced odour versions, but they cost a bit more and we can’t be arsed.)
So they hatch a devious plan.
Then my partner had the idea of making liquid garden fertiliser out of seaweed, aka “seaweed tea”, because after all, Bucketty was complaining about the smell of the Dynamic Lifter.
The basic recipe for “seaweed tea” starts with: take one bucket (with a sealable lid for the sake of humanity), toss in some seaweed and water, seal it and wait.
When it stops stinking (after about a month), you know it’s done.
For some reason, Martin opted to put the bucket of … tea … behind the house, over by the fence we share with Bucketty.
The couple is growing annoyed with Bucket Woman’s lack of boundaries
We’ve long suspected Bucketty of listening at the fence when Martin and I are out in the garden together.
Contrary to her complaints about our garden being an overgrown jungle, there is a gap below the fence and sometimes her bright pink crocs are seen right up against it.
And we sense a presence (ooo-OOO-ooo) silently lurking on the other side.
We had a spell of warm weather that made things smell a bit ripe in the bucket. The good weather also meant Martin spent quite a bit of time in the garden.
Then they find a perfect opportunity to put their plan into action.
He was filling me in on the latest fight to the death with marauding garden pests when the pink crocs appeared.
I put my finger to my lips and pointed to the fence.
Martin gave me a grin, practically skipped over to the bucket of seaweed tea, ripped the lid off, and started wafting the smell towards the fence with the lid.
(He wafted with his right hand, and buried his nose in the crook of his left arm. I pinched my nose closed.)
The Australian author gives some context for the rest of the world.
Now if you are like me, and grew up near the beach, you probably have a good idea of what it smelled like.
But for anyone who grew up inland, the nearest I can come to describing it is: like the wind from Satan’s bowels … with a hint of the ocean.
Bucket Woman falls right into their trap.
Initially there was silence from the other side of the fence, and then a sound like someone hacking up a furball.
The pink crocs disappeared, then there was the sound of someone trying to claw open a screen door.
As soon as we heard both doors slam shut (Australian houses often have a screen door, and a more solid door), Martin jammed the lid back on.
With classic English understatement, Martin declared the seaweed tea wasn’t quite ready yet, and it needed to brew a bit longer.
I agreed, with dry Australian humour, that smell was a bit offensive.
Now to enjoy the rest of their day in peace.
Then we went inside to make a cup of coffee and have a good old laugh, like the forty-something teenagers that we are.
Smells can linger in your nose for up to 20 minutes.
So I hope she spent the next 20 minutes checking whether she stepped in something.
Maybe next time their neighbor will think twice about encroaching on their fence.
What did Reddit make of this pungent revenge tale?
*Cue villainous laughing*
Why not add some insects to the mix?
Bucket Woman has become somewhat of a celebrity on this subreddit.
Bucket Woman really should be more discrete.
Now this couple can get back to sipping their tea in peace.
Sometimes the best defense is a good, smelly offense.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.