Encouraging a friend to go out on a date with a family member can be a great idea, but it can also backfire if things don’t go well.

What happens if the friend you recommended turns out to be very rude and says hurtful things about your brother?

That’s what happened to the woman in this story, and she got mad!

Read the details and see if she overreacted.

AITA for how I responded to my friend (34F) criticising my brother (38M)?

My (43F) brother, let’s call him Tom (38M) has never had a relationship.

Social anxiety can make dating hard.

He had a really bad stutter in his childhood and 20s and was so anxious and insecure about it that he wouldn’t date (nerves make stuttering worse).

He’s actually quite good looking, keeps fit, has a good job and is intelligent and funny.

I do have friends who are pretty blunt who insisted there must be something wrong with him, until they met him and said he’s actually a great person, really attractive and they’ve literally never seen this before.

That is great that he is so happy!

He just never really wanted a partner and is happy without one.

If his soulmate landed right in front of him he’d date them but he has no motivation at all to find someone.

I also have a friend, let’s call her Pam (34F).

She really wants a partner and is dead set wanting a marriage and kids.

She was lamenting the lack of available men and said she’d date ‘anyone’ so if anyone knows a single guy she’d date them.

I said I had two single brothers but not sure how much they’re up to dating at the moment.

That’s weird since she said she would date anyone.

She scoffed at the idea, which was a bit confusing since she’d never met my brothers and I changed the subject because that was quite irritating.

Fast forward six months and I have about 10 of our friends over to our place and Pam came along, as did Tom.

By this time I’d completely forgotten the earlier conversation.

Tom stayed a couple of hours and then left and then Pam, in front of the whole table starts rolling her eyes and saying things like ‘I know why you invited Tom here. You’re just desperate to set me up with him so you figured you’d just spring it on me here hoping I’ll date your desperate brother. I see you. I get what you’re doing.’

How rude!

Considering Tom has social anxiety and it was a big deal for him to come that day to a table where he didn’t really know anyone, and just how mortified he’d be to hear that, I saw red.

I told her, in front of everyone, that ‘Tom is my brother. He will always have a place at my table. The only desperate one here is you since you literally said six months ago that you’ll date ‘anyone’.

Tom ticks every single box you keep saying you want in a man yet you’re talking like he’s beneath you. I would never set you up with him because you’re not his type and he wouldn’t like you.

I’ve never even mentioned you to Tom because I’m that sure he’d reject you outright. So do not disrespect my brother in my own home.’

I’m surprised she stayed at all.

Pam left soon after.

One of the people said she’s actually interested in my other brother and I said he won’t be interested in her either once I tell him about her attitude to Tom.

Was I wrong becuased  I embarrassed Pam in front of our friends?

AITA?

Great job defending her brother!

Let’s see what the people in the comments think about it.

Sometimes you have to be harsh.

You can’t disrespect someone’s family.

She really does sound bitter.

It has to be the right time to start dating.

No surprise she is single.

Pam needs to get over herself!

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.