Mother-In-Law Keeps Policing Her Relationship With Her Stepson, So She Told Her To Stay Out Of Their Lives Until She Shapes Up

Trisha Leigh

2 months ago

Source: Shutterstock/Reddit

We try our best as partners and parents, and most of the time, that’s enough.

For some people – often our in-laws – nothing we do seems to make them happy.

This woman is a happy and involved stepmom, but despite the fact that she’s always done her best by her stepson, her mother-in-law isn’t happy.

Check out the details to decide for yourself whether or not she was justified in telling the woman to just butt out.

AITA for telling my MIL she can leave my house if she doesn’t stop policing how I talk about my stepson?

I’m (31f) married to Jake (33m) who has a son Devon (10m) with an ex Christy (34f). Jake and Christy broke up when Devon was a baby.

They have shared custody 50/50 since. Christy remarried when Devon was 2. Jake and I met when Devon was 2.

Her relationship with her stepson is good, but her MIL has a weird hangup.

I love Devon. Our relationship is good. But I am not his mom. He is not my son.

When Jake and I got engaged he referred to Devon as our kid. MIL got so annoyed and said I am not his mom and never will be so Devon is therefore not my kid.

I told her that was true, I’m just a bonus in his life and he’s going to be my stepson (at that point he wasn’t yet my stepson).

She told me I should make sure I don’t forget my place in his life.

Jake told MIL that she had no right to talk to me that way and it wasn’t even me who claimed Devon was my kid, it was him claiming he was ours.

Another time after Jake and I were married I called Devon my stepson.

MIL only heard the son part and told me yet again Devon has a mom and I’m not her. I

told her I said stepson. She was like oh, good, make sure you remember that.

She’s always focused on respecting her stepson and his wishes.

Devon and I had some trouble for a while. Christy was encouraging him not to be nice to me like he was to his stepdad.

So Devon had a period where he was disrespectful and said we’re not stepmom/stepson. We did therapy, it helped. We went back to stepmom and stepson.

He did make it clear he didn’t want me to call him my son. I respect that.

I told him I’d always respect those boundaries for him but please let me know if anything does change, so I can make any needed changes and keep us strong.

MIL randomly asked sometime after this if I was back to claiming Devon as mine.

Jake told her to stop. He told her she knew I wasn’t doing that and she needed to let it go. W

e spent some time away from her, she apologized, mostly because FIL wasn’t interfering like that and saw his grandson and son still.

Now, her MIL is angry for the exact opposite reason!

Jake and I have a son together now.

Now MIL has flipped a switch because Jake and I have our own son together. She has decided I’m a monster for calling Devon my stepson still and she’s now policing me staying stepson instead of son.

It’s not like it comes up that often but it comes up often enough for her to be bothered by it.

If I say I’m here to pick up my stepson instead of son, or say this is my stepson Devon.

Jake told her to knock it off and she remembers what happened before with her policing me like this.

It definitely seems like she can’t win.

MIL dropped by the house to see the baby while my husband was at work. She brought it up to me again.

She said now that Devon has a brother we need to stop the step crap and I should be calling both boys my sons.

I told her to drop the topic. I did not want this to be a fight again.

She ignored me and told me I need to do better.

I told her she needs to leave my house if she can’t stop policing how I speak, that I would not allow it.

She hadn’t expected me to follow through. She also didn’t expect Jake to be on my side.

She said I was rude and refuse to discuss it like an adult.

AITA?

This mother-in-law takes the cake.

Let’s find out what kind of advice Reddit gives our (step)mom.

The top comment suggests she implement a new rule.