Buying your first house together is supposed to be an exciting milestone for a couple, but financial discussions can easily complicate things.
When the topic of whose name should go on the deed, it spiraled into a heated argument that leaves one spouse questioning their entire relationship.
Read on for all the details.
AITA for not wanting my husband’s name on our new home’s deed?
My husband and I plan on moving into our own first home together next month.
For the past six years, we’ve been living in the lower half of his mother’s house (I co-signed on a refinance with her) but the three of us feel like it’s time to move on.
When corona hit, he quit his job while I stayed fully employed and he has yet to find another one.
This, of course, slightly complicates their financials.
I make enough money to support us both and he has been uber-diligent in getting everything in order for us to sell our current house and to move into our new one, so I have no hard feelings about his unemployment.
Unfortunately because he isn’t working, our lender is only able to use my income and credit to qualify us for a mortgage, resulting in less than favorable options of homes to choose from.
With a lot of searching and a little luck, they finally found something viable.
We did, however, find a house we both like in my price range not too far from where we currently live. Closing date should be within the next few weeks if everything goes according to our plan.
He and I have been talking about possibly buying another house in the next couple years after he’s established stable employment and renting one of the two.
They navigate through some small hiccups pretty unscathed.
Since I’ve already been on a mortgage, we would not get the first time home buyer’s deal if he went on the loan with me, but no biggie.
We’ll score a little extra when it comes time to buy another, because we’ll just use his income and credit for the next one.
When I got home from work just now, he had just gotten off the phone with insurances companies getting quotes for homeowner’s insurance.
That is, until the matter of the deed came up.
We got to talking about all the lovelies about starting a new chapter in our lives together when the subject of his name being put on the deed came up.
I told him I didn’t want his name on the deed if he couldn’t be put on the loan. That’s honestly just how I feel.
Well he blew up.
The conversation seemed to blow open a whole host of other issues in their relationship.
He accused me of wanting a divorce (I most certainly do NOT), taking advantage of him packing and moving. (I work full time and we’re down a car ATM.)
He Asked if he should start unpacking, and if he does move in, should he start charging me for all the work he going to do around the house since it won’t be “his”?
The husband contributes in more ways than just financially.
He is the handyman in our relationship.
I’m not so good with tools and repairs and he honestly would be doing most of the upgrades and whatnot.
She tries to backtrack, but it seems like it may be too late.
I’m not a confrontational person at heart, so as I sat there in silence for a moment I asked him to just forget what I said and his name could go on the deed.
Well he left the house and now I’m wondering if what I said was really that out of line. He seemed really upset and now I need unbiased opinions.
I love this man to death.
Please, Reddit, AITA?
She may have been looking out for her best interest, but she didn’t mean to push him that far.
What did Reddit have to say?
This user says it’s no wonder her husband feels devalued.
Surely there are other avenues they can explore.
This commenter also sides with her husband.
This whole situation is far from equitable.
This situation revealed the problem went way beyond buying a home, but instead revealed deeper problems like trust and financial responsibility.
Sometimes the quickest solution isn’t always the best one.
If you liked that post, check out this post about a woman who tracked down a contractor who tried to vanish without a trace.