Complex parental relationships often come with a heavy emotional baggage, even as a full-grown adult with kids of your own.

This daughter has seen her father through multiple marriages and a cancer diagnosis, but he can never seem to put in the same effort with her.

When she finally confronts him, the resulting conversation reveals just how deep the chasm between them truly runs.

Read on for the full story.

AITAH for making as much effort with my dad as he makes with me?

Me (40f) and my dad (65m) have a very complicated relationship.

She explains the many road bumps they’ve been through so far.

My parents divorced when I was younger and his 2nd wife (affair partner) and I did not get on at all.

We were on and off with contact and it could go years with zero contact.

Even with important life events, her dad could never seem to show up.

When my son was born, my dad didn’t meet him until he was 2.

He wasn’t interested really until he divorced his 2nd wife and married his 3rd wife (another affair).

Me and her get on fine. We’re the same age, so we have a bit in common.

Then, tragedy struck her father.

My dad was very sick with cancer a couple of years ago and I helped as much as I could.

One of my previous jobs was in health care, so I would go help him wash, sit with him, help him with meds when he was in recovery from a series of operations, that sort of thing.

For a while, we got a bit closer and had a better relationship.

But now that he’s better, the two are growing apart again.

He is now fully in remission and recovered, so that’s great, but he started reverting back to his uninterested ways.

He never calls, so I always call him.

He also never visits (apart from once or twice a year) and shows absolutely no interest in my now teenage son.

So she decides enough is enough.

Over the past 6 months, I have stopped making an effort.

I stopped calling to check in and stopped offering to visit (which was always met with an excuse as to why it’s not a good time).

Then her father has the nerve to call her up and ask why she didn’t call.

He called me the other day after 2 months of no contact and said, “Oh well, I’m a bit disappointed I haven’t heard from you.”

So she had a few choice words for him that have been brewing for years.

I just laughed, not in a funny way – more like snapping, and said, “Yeah well the amount of effort I’m putting in to be your daughter is the same amount of effort you put in to being a father and grandfather – absolutely zero.”

He went really quiet and ended the call.

Other family members think she was too harsh with her father.

I got a message from my stepmom saying he was very upset.

She said I didn’t need to say it like that, as I know what he’s been through.

She also said I should know he gets depressed easily and drinks when he’s down.

She said I could have just kept it to myself or said it gentler.

AITAH for being honest even if I said it in a rude way?

This fallout was a long time coming.

Redditors chime in with their thoughts.

Relationships should absolutely be a two-way street.

Sometimes “harsh” is the only way to get through to someone who isn’t listening.

It’s clear to this commenter that the father doesn’t make the best decisions when it comes to handling his emotions.

This redditor issues a chilling warning.

Years of frustration and neglect have led up to this very moment.

The truth may hurt, but it’s what he needed to hear.

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