It’s wonderful and sometimes rare when exes can get along – especially when there are children involved.

That’s how things started in today’s story, where the second wife actually gets along well with the ex-wife.

Then everything changes, and the stepdaughter is caught in the middle.

What’s a stepmom to do?

Let’s see how the story unfolds…

AITA for not stepping up to take my stepdaughter to the fun day at her art class?

I (34f) married my husband (37m) 9 years ago.

He has a 12 year old daughter with an ex (36f).

They were not together when he and I met, so I’m not the OW.

We all got along okay when he and I first met and when we got married.

Not besties.

But we could talk during exchanges and say hi if we passed each other on the street.

There was no tension.

Her husband’s ex is no longer nice to her.

This all changed when my stepdaughter’s mom was left at the altar.

She had been with her ex-fiancé as long, if not longer, than my husband and myself.

Once that happened she changed and she got more possessive of my stepdaughter and became hostile whenever she’d see me.

She told me once it made her sick that I was watching her child grow up and that my stepdaughter and I had a good relationship.

She told me it wasn’t fair to her and the fact my husband and I were growing our family while she was left alone with my stepdaughter.

The stepdaughter changed her behavior as well.

I tried to be compassionate but she did not want to know.

And she came between my stepdaughter and me.

Suddenly my stepdaughter didn’t want to hang out with me.

She wouldn’t show me affection.

Then she started getting a little rude/disrespectful when in my care.

My husband was always there to talk to her and correct behavior like that… but it was very clear a wall went up between me and her.

It became challenging when her stepdaughter was around.

My husband talked to his ex and she told him it wasn’t her problem if my stepdaughter didn’t like me anymore.

She said to him it was only fair since she has her.

Court was involved, but got us nowhere, and we tried therapy.

It never got so bad that we couldn’t be in the same house, but time spent together did become impossible.

It was unpleasant and it was clear my stepdaughter did not want to.

Family time wasn’t bad but could be tricky because she didn’t want to walk next to me or didn’t want to sit beside me.

The stepdaughter opened up about her behavior.

My stepdaughter admitted to me recently that her mom doesn’t want us to be close, and she doesn’t feel she can be nice to me or close because it would upset her mom.

She doesn’t want her mom to see us together.

But she (kind of) admitted she doesn’t actually dislike me.

She told me she’d never say it to a judge or anyone else because she won’t get taken from her mom and she can keep lying like she did in therapy before.

I felt bad for her. I told her I would never force anything on her.

She just shrugged and the talk ended.

She is the only one available to take the stepdaughter to a special art class event.

Now we’re onto the current problem.

My stepdaughter’s art class is doing a fun day but a parent or family member needs to stay for it.

My husband can’t. Her mom can’t.

She doesn’t want me to do it.

But my ILs think I should and were unhappy when I told them I wouldn’t.

I said I won’t stress her out by making her only choice me.

She isn’t sure whether to go to the stepdaughter’s art class fun day or not.

They said I should be willing to do whatever it takes.

My husband told them to stop and I was right.

But they said I’m letting her mom win and letting the gap grow between us.

AITA?

It sounds like the stepdaughter would be okay with her going but would never admit it since she doesn’t want to betray her mom.

Let’s see how Reddit responded…

The in-laws could take the stepdaughter to her class.

If her stepdaughter doesn’t want her there, she shouldn’t go.

Here’s another vote for not going.

She should make sure her stepdaughter knows she cares.

Hopefully her stepdaughter will be nice to her again some day.

None of this is fair to the kiddo.

If you liked this post, you might want to read this story about a teacher who taught the school’s administration a lesson after they made a sick kid take a final exam.