Husband Seeks “Closure” With Affair Partner Against His Wife’s Wishes, And It Leads To Resentment And Daily Fights

Heather Hall

2 weeks ago

When you’re trying to rebuild trust after infidelity, every decision matters – especially when it comes to handling the aftermath.

So, what would you do if your spouse gave closure to their affair partner after you explicitly asked them not to?

Would you try to move past it?

Or would you allow the resentment to keep bubbling up?

In today’s story, a wife is in this exact scenario.

Here’s what happened.

AITAH for fighting with my husband almost everyday for giving his affair partner closure against my wishes?

My husband cheated on me with a friend of a coworker.

He didn’t confess. I caught him when I found her lipstick in our car.

I suspect she left it there on purpose, probably because she’s a jealous and vindictive person herself.

He had been cheating on me for six months while I was at home raising our toddler.

The betrayal was so deep, especially when I realized I was sacrificing so much for his family while he was busy doing another woman behind my back.

Eight months ago, we started reconciliation and marriage counseling, but I’ve become filled with resentment due to the constant missteps on his part.

At first, the other woman didn’t know his wife found out.

Things have improved overall, but one thing I can’t get past is that he gave “closure” to the affair partner (AP) despite me being completely against it.

Honestly, I didn’t want them to get any kind of closure.

I don’t think either of them deserved even a shred of human decency after what they did to me.

When I found out, he didn’t communicate with her at all, and she was clueless.

Feeling betrayed, she insisted that he never contact the other woman again.

I told him that I despised AP so much that I wanted her to suffer, to feel deeply confused, unwanted, and discarded, and just disappear from her life without a word.

I shared all of this with him. He knew exactly how I felt.

But instead of ghosting her like I wanted, he decided after his own therapy sessions that he needed to give her “closure.”

He sent her an email, making it clear there would be no contact and that I knew everything.

When I confronted him, he said he needed to do this to “close that chapter” of his life.

Calling her a “chapter” made my stomach turn.

Why should she get such validation?

It’s disgusting that he gave their affair any semblance of dignity.

I don’t think they were worthy of having any humanity about this situation.

After finding out he emailed the other woman, she can’t help but feel angry all over again.

I tell him almost every day how resentful I am of him for going behind my back and sending that email, but he never feels guilty for hurting me over the email.

He keeps insisting that he needed to do this because he is a different person than I am and has different views over things.

He said he needed to do this to take responsibility and for his own healing and that his therapist didn’t think he was doing anything wrong.

And how I am “allowed” to disagree with him but I need to “respect” him as long as he has made the right choice.

I feel so frustrated. I don’t think, based on his cheating, he doesn’t deserve to make this choice on his own.

AITA?

It’s easy to see why she’s so upset.

Let’s see what advice the folks over at Reddit had to offer her.

This person suggests getting a divorce.