Dating can be hard no matter what, but it can be even more complicated when you start dating the parent of one of your child’s friends.

What should you tell them about yourself and your child and when should you divulge different types of information.

This issue became a problem in this story when mom didn’t tell her boyfriend that her son was adopted, and then the son had a medical emergency.

Read on for the details.

AITA? I didn’t tell my boyfriend my son was adopted

I (34F) have a 10-year-old son we’ll call Arthur.

I adopted him when he was 2, as his godparent, after his mother passed away and his father was never in the picture.

Arthur has always had trouble making friends, but he made a great one this past year—a 10-year-old boy in his grade, who we’ll call Elliot.

It happens.

I didn’t plan on it, but Elliot’s father (38M), who we’ll call Edward, and I became very close.

We come from very different backgrounds: Edward grew up in a stable, high-income home, mostly raising Elliot in Europe until about a year and a half ago when they moved to our area.

I grew up in a poor family and was raised by my uncle after my mother died.

I had a rough childhood and was involved in crime when I was younger, but I’ve been on the straight and narrow for Arthur’s sake.

I didn’t want my relationship with Edward to affect Arthur and Elliot’s friendship, but after agreeing that the boys would always come first, we began loosely dating about a year ago.

A few weeks ago, Arthur got really sick while Edward was watching him.

I was an hour away fixing something at a friend’s house, and Edward took Arthur to the ER when things got worse.

His appendix had burst.

When I got there, Arthur was in surgery, and he went into anaphylactic shock due to the anesthetic.

This is why it is important that he knew.

The doctors started asking about family medical history, and I couldn’t provide any information since I’m not biologically related to Arthur.

I never knew his mother’s family.

Edward tried to help, but I was panicked and lashed out, saying that Arthur wasn’t my biological son.

Edward walked away to give me space.

That is good.

Arthur’s fine now, but he had some complications and spent a few weeks in the hospital.

Since then, Edward and I have barely spoken because of an argument that followed.

Edward was upset that I hadn’t told him Arthur was adopted.

I can understand why, but it never came up, and I didn’t see the point in mentioning it.

I wasn’t hiding it, but I didn’t have concrete plans to tell him, either.

It sounds like both parties need to apologize.

The situation escalated, and we both said hurtful things.

I brought up Elliot’s mother, who I knew nothing about.

I didn’t really care about her, but I made it seem like I did.

From what I knew, Edward had raised Elliot on his own.

I feel like our situations are similar, but Edward insists they’re different.

He says it’s relevant that Arthur isn’t biologically mine, but I don’t think it changes anything.

Very reasonable.

I didn’t want Arthur to know he was adopted before he could fully understand.

We’ve never had an argument like this before.

The only time we had a similar conversation was when I told him about my past.

I felt like that was relevant because it directly involved me.

He was understanding then, and there wasn’t nearly as much conflict.

If he is going to be around Arthur, he should know, for situations like what happened.

Now I’m unsure if not telling him about Arthur was the right decision.

He’s a kind man, but this caught me off guard, and we both said things we regret.

AITA for not telling my boyfriend my son is adopted?

AITA?

It sounds like unkind things were said in the heat of an emergency, and both parties were hurt so now it is escalating.

Let’s see if the people in the comments have anything to say.

Good question.

Interesting, I never knew this.

This person thinks she should have already told her son.

I was wondering this too.

This person thinks that it is fine that it never came up.

These two need to work on their communication.

And maybe go for therapy.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.