Some friends are only really friends by name. If they always make excuses when you want to hang out, they aren’t really your friends, right?

But then they get annoyed when their “friend” makes them officially not friends.

This happened with two young women, and here’s how it all played out…

AITA for telling my friend she can get back in touch when she stops being perpetually busy?

I’ve had it with one of my friends.

We’ve known each other for about 12 years (met at uni, now we’re mid-30s). She’s the “permanently busy” type – if you know, you know. Always doing something, can’t be alone with her thoughts for one second, hyper-extroverted, etc.

She’s a nice person but that pattern of compulsive “busy-ness” got on my nerves from the start.

She’s baffled by this behavior.

After we graduated, she worked part-time. That’s it. For extra money she let out the other bedrooms in her house.

No kids, no dogs, no serious partners, no ailing relatives. And despite working maximum 2-3 days a week from 8 to 3, she was almost impossible to get a hold of.

I lived 30 minutes away ON FOOT and we’d still see each other every 3-4 months at best. And every time, the spiel was “I know it’s been ages but I’m just so BUSY!”

It’s even harder to stay in touch now.

A few years ago I moved so we’re now in different countries. I tried to stay in touch via WhatsApp but even that’s been falling apart. Over the lockdown she got married and had two kids.

So you can imagine how hard she is to get a hold of now that she actually has responsibilities and isn’t just busy being busy.

So for the past year now our interactions have dwindled down to me sending her life updates and asking about hers…and her getting back weeks later if I’m lucky, months later or not at all if I’m not, with a generic “so sorry, been so busy but you’re in my thoughts, how are you x”.

She makes time for other friends though!

Meanwhile she’s still pretty active on social media and regularly posting about all the fun things she gets up to with all those other people.

I decided this means she’s just not interested and trying to tell me nicely.

I mean…how else am I supposed to take barely answering me, and if so mostly just to remind me for the millionth time of just how BUSY she is, while simultaneously showing off all the things and people she *does* miraculously find the time for?

And her “friend” doesn’t get it either.

She messaged me about three months after my last message, once again with a generic “So sorry, so busy, how are u xx”. And I chose not to respond because I’m over it.

A month later (last week) it was my birthday, and she sent a birthday message and sounded quite upset I hadn’t responded to the previous one.

I responded with, “What’s the point of messaging you anyway, when I already know how it’s gonna go? I’ll pass. Let me know if you ever get less permanently busy and can keep in touch on a more substantial level than getting back to me months later just to remind me of how busy you are”.

Did she say the wrong thing?

I heard through mutual friends and acquaintances that she’s upset at how I talked to her. But I don’t think I’m in the wrong here.

Am I obligated to keep making an effort for someone who just can’t or won’t reciprocate?

Isn’t it bizarre to get upset to lose someone you clearly don’t care enough about to make an effort to include in your life?

Sometimes it’s better to say nothing at all. Just stop trying but don’t spell out why.

Here is what folks are saying on Reddit.

I can’t stand when people play the victim like that. You played a game and she called you on it.

If anything maybe she will rethink how she treats people.

I had to do this twice a year or so ago. One of them had the gall to only contact me because she wanted me to do something for her.

I think that’s what bothers me about it. People can’t be honest and have to say they are too busy when they aren’t.

I think a lot of people have taken that class.

Time to move on, “friend.”

If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.