These days, starting a family isn’t as much of a given as it used to be. Whether or not to have kids is a very personal question.

But in this story, a young woman’s parents are guilting her about giving them grandkids… even though they weren’t great at the whole childrearing thing the first time around.

Let’s see what’s up with this parental pressure…

AITA for telling my mom that she is the reason I don’t want to have kids?

I (22F) have a rocky relationship with my mom.

She was extremely mentally & emotionally abusive in my teenage years.

OK, not off to a great start.

We fought multiple times a day.

I was under immense pressure to perform in tennis & my academics.

I would be screamed at if my grades weren’t perfect.

I was berated for not trying hard enough, even after I was diagnosed with ADD, got meds, and straight A’s.

That kind of pressure can warp someone’s view of family, for sure.

She would also weigh me on a weekly basis and scold me when I gained weight, and she sent me to fat camp multiple times as a kid.

She even made me be a camp counselor to “lose some weight before college” and refused to pick me up when everyone quit and I was left to run the camp by myself, I was only 19.

Nothing I did was ever good enough.

Having a child can be less appealing if you never had a childhood.

Freshman year of HS I had a new tennis coach.

I was very close to my coach, and a year later he was shot & he expired.

His passing hit me like a train- I felt that I had lost a crucial male figure in my life.

My mom refused to let me miss any school bc “high school is too important.”

I became depressed & she accused me of being on drugs & threatened to drug test me.

I was absolutely gutted by the lack of trust- I had never done any drugs or alcohol.

Tragedy and distrust can mess you up.

She finally put me in group therapy at my school, but pulled me out shortly after when she realized I was being taken out of class for it.

She told me that, “God took [my coach] away from me because I didn’t appreciate him enough.”

To this day I cannot go into a church without bawling & thinking that God hates me & took away someone I cared so much about.

Harsh words are hard to forget.

During our fights I would tell her that when I went to college I would cut communication off with her forever.

My dad told me to write my mom a letter telling her how I felt & I wrote that I would never have kids because I didn’t want them around her.

She did give fair warning, could her mom turn things around?

Since then she has been making a huge effort to mend our relationship & fix herself, and recently our relationship has been good.

She still makes a few remarks here & there, and being with her in person leads to a few fights, but overall it is night & day.

My parents have been asking me when I am going to get married & have kids because they want to be grandparents.

I haven’t been in a relationship in over 3 years and I’m not seeing anyone.

I told my mom that I don’t think I want to have kids and she called me “selfish.”

What’s that saying about glass houses?

She told me that her & my dad are gutted that I would deprive them of being grandparents and said it’s “not fair” that I am still punishing her for her past mistakes.

She also asked me how I expect to find a husband if I don’t want to have children.

Although I initially said those things to hurt my mom, I really don’t know if I want to have kids.

I know that she has made a real effort and change to fix our relationship, but I still hold some resentment towards her from the past.

Good behavior doesn’t automatically equal forgiveness.

She cries thinking about the fact that she might not be a grandmother, and I can’t help but feel bad that I would be depriving her of that and unfairly punishing my dad when she has made a real effort to change. AITA?

Seems like this mother made her bed but doesn’t want to sleep in it.

OR is the daughter being difficult and clinging to the past?

Let’s see what Reddit has to say…

This person says, having children is nobody else’s business.

This person totally agrees.

This person thinks the mom is bad news.

This person absolves the poster of her guilt.

And this person is suspicious of mom’s motives.

Consensus: Becoming a mom is a personal choice, and even your mom can’t make it for you.

Seriously, don’t do it.

If you liked this post, you might want to read this story about a teacher who taught the school’s administration a lesson after they made a sick kid take a final exam.