What would you do if you were your friend’s maid of honor, and you kept being expected to pay for more and more things? Would you keep paying even though you didn’t have a lot of money, or would you try to convince the bride to set a reasonable budget?
In today’s story, a maid of honor and the bridesmaids are stressed out about how expensive it’s getting to be part of their friend’s wedding, but the bride doesn’t seem to understand.
Let’s read all the details.
AITA for asking the bride to give total cost expected from each bridesmaid?
I am the MOH for a friend getting married – she is pretty young (24) and so are the bridesmaids.
Most of us are in the broke post-grad mindset except for one of the bridesmaids who is about ten years older and another who is still a student.
When asking us to be in the wedding party, the bride made it clear she expected bridesmaids to pay for our dresses, alterations, and to be present for the rehearsal and wedding.
She offered to either pay for makeup OR hair for me (MOH) but said the bridesmaids can pay extra to have those done the day of the event.
The bachelorette getaway is kind of expensive.
For the bachelorette, she was clear about what she wanted, which was a beach house in RI.
We are splitting the costs for the rental ($300 each) and I made a budget of ~$200- $250 for groceries split among 5 for the two days.
This does not include going out to a bar or dinner during that trip, which I estimate would be an additional $50-$75 per person.
While expensive, I really do want this weekend to be lots of fun and think that we can keep it on the cheaper side if we’re smart about groceries etc.
Not having a budget is a problem.
There was no budget going in so I have been figuring out how to do a more cost efficient but fun event.
The costs are definitely adding up.
However, with the bridal shower, there is again, no budget.
It’s really getting expensive.
I am hosting and the bride sent over a list of ~30 people who will be attending.
I have no idea what the budget is for this event and am having difficulty laying out the run of events + food + decorations + party gifts (is this a thing for bridal shower) for everyone.
The other bridesmaids have expressed concern about surmounting costs and I do agree, things are adding up from the initial expectations of paying for the dress and alterations.
The bride seems to think the budget isn’t her responsibility.
I spoke with the bride about this and she said that she thought we would just come up with the most cost effective way to manage these events.
I countered and said it would be easiest for the bridesmaids to understand the total costs they’re expected to incur for the wedding, including dress, alterations, bridal shower, bachelorette, and any incidentals.
I argued (politely) that we need to have an idea of what’s expected of us, and it’s not on us to create/manage the budget for her wedding. We’re happy to contribute and all want this to be fun and successful.
She has said that it’s normal for bridesmaids to pay a lot for weddings, but I reminded her that we’re all on the younger side and that’s something to be mindful of.
She’s not sure if these expenses are normal or not.
I have been trying to mitigate any tension between the bridesmaids + the bride to keep the stress off of her, and handle the conversations with the bridesmaids.
I asked for a clear spreadsheet of our expected expenses so I can speak with the bridesmaids and make a plan.
The wedding is 5 months away.
AITA for arguing with the bride about this? Is it normal for bridesmaids to not know what’s expected of them?
I don’t know much about weddings or being MOH and want her to have an amazing wedding without breaking the bank for the other ladies.
Asking for a total of what’s expected doesn’t seem unreasonable.
Let’s see how Reddit responded to this story.
The bride really needs to set a budget.
Maybe the bride should start paying for everything.
She shouldn’t have to pay a lot for her friend’s wedding.
This reader asks a good question.
Another person writes a suggested response to the bride.
The bride is being unreasonable!
If you enjoyed that story, read this one about a mom who was forced to bring her three kids with her to apply for government benefits, but ended up getting the job of her dreams.