Every family is unique, and how a family was started can have a big impact on the way each member feels.

What would you do if you tried to tell your sister that she should let her kids know that they were conceived through donation when they were young, but she refused, and now when they found out as adults, they were very upset about it?

That is the situation the sister in this story is in, and she doesn’t feel like she should have to help bring that family back together.

Should she help anyway? Let’s read the whole story to decide.

AITA for telling my sister and BIL it’s their fault their son doesn’t speak to them?

I, 53F, have a sister, 55F, I’ll call her Caroline.

She has been married for 30 years to her husband, Richard, 58M.

When they married in the 90s, they planned to have children.

However, nature had other plans for them, and my BIL couldn’t have children.

The doctors confirmed the impossibility, and this devasted them.

After weighing their options, they chose to go through infertility treatments with donor sperm.

This family clearly has some issues to work through.

I also must note that my sister is a controlling person, and my BIL thinks he knows everything.

Fast forward a few years, and my sister and BIL had two sons through this process, both of whom have different donators.

And as science grown with DNA I advised my sister to tell the children when they were young of how they came to be and just be honest with them.

Her sister didn’t like this suggestion.

I was met with harsh backlash, telling me to mind my own business and that under no circumstance are her sons to find out.

I would continually bring it up on occasion until one nasty fight where my BIL told me I was an uneducated idiot who knew nothing about this subject.

Then I gave up and never spoke to them about it again.

She really should’ve told the kids sooner.

Last year, Caroline’s older son decided to take a 23andMe test and discovered that my BIL is not his biological father.

This caused a massive uproar in my sister’s family.

My nephew told them he always knew something was wrong and wanted to find the truth.

After months of back-and-forth fighting about my sister and BIL’s betrayal of trust (per my nephew), he has now cut contact with his parents.

I’m connect with him through social media and will not do anything to risk losing this contact.

Now her sister wants her support.

Last week, my sister called me sobbing because the birthday presents she sent to her son were returned with a note that said “do not contact me again” from my nephew.

After listening to her for 30 min I got tired.

I tried to hang up, but she lashed out and asked why I wasn’t supporting her.

This just screams “I told you so” which is never helpful.

I told her the truth, that she ignored my thoughts for years.

I told her I warned her that science was catching up with her lies, and she should have told the kids when they were young so they could process it better.

She called me heartless and a monster for not giving her help or trying to persuade my nephew to speak with her.

Yes, it is their fault, but it does nobody any good to keep the fight going.

I told her that I would not do this for either her or BIL, that this situation is their fault, and that they need to figure out how to live with the consequences or find a way to fix their relationship with their son.

It was then my BIL got on the phone and called me a jerk and hung up on me.

My mother and father got involved and told me that a good sister wouldn’t want this type of family tension to continue and that I needed to step up and help my sister and her son to speak to each other.

I refuse because I won’t risk my one connection I still have with my nephew.

So AITA for not helping my sister and BIL fix their relationship with my nephew and telling them it’s their fault?

She was clearly right about telling them years ago, but that is in the past. Helping to repair the relationship will be good for everyone involved.

Let’s see what the people in the comments on Reddit say about it.

It is important to stay close to the nephew.

This is good advice.

What can she do anyway?

This commenter says they brought this on themselves.

This person says they told her to shut up, so that is what she is doing.

This family has a lot of issues to work through.

If you liked this post, you might want to read this story about a teacher who taught the school’s administration a lesson after they made a sick kid take a final exam.