Curiosity can turn into entitlement when people feel owed personal details that aren’t theirs to claim.

So, what would you do if your in-laws kept pushing for details about a painful past you weren’t comfortable sharing? Would you give in so they leave you alone? Or would you stand firm to protect your boundaries even if people were upset?

In the following story, one man finds himself in this very situation with his wife’s family. Here’s what’s going on.

AITA for not sharing the story behind why I grew up in foster care with my wife’s family?

I (28m) went into foster care when I was 5, and I stayed in foster care until I turned 18.

I don’t share the story with people often because it’s the start of a lot of deep-rooted trauma I’ve spent 8 years working through.

The people who know are my two closest friends and my wife (27f). Oh, and my therapist. But I don’t fully count my therapist because I told them for the purpose of healing. Not to be upfront with the closest people in my life.

He hasn’t told his wife’s family.

My wife’s family, both immediate and extended, are close. She has two living parents who’ve been married for 40 years, and she’s the second youngest of six.

She has sisters and brothers in-law, nieces and nephews. Her aunts and uncles and cousins are regularly a part of get-togethers, and I know them all pretty well.

But I have never shared the truth with them.

He has good reasons for not telling the full story.

They’re curious.

I’ve been asked questions about my past, and I answer them with the public version, as I call it. I went into the system at 5 and never had contact with my biological family again, and I feel like that’s for the best.

There were also questions asked about finding them again and why don’t I reach out.

A part of why I never tell the full story is one of my more immediate relatives was a child themselves when I was placed in the system. Or a younger teen, if I’m being more specific, and I know there will be questions about why I don’t try to get in touch with them.

Plus I feel like it will lead to some encouragement to search for people I never met and I’m simply not interested.

His wife is supportive of his decision.

My wife agrees that her family would probably do it and wouldn’t be able to understand my refusal and she’s with me on saying nothing.

But some of her family are unhappy about being kept in the dark.

It’s come up a few times, and my wife shuts it down and tells them it’s not something they need to know. But I know the conflict will increase over time because of this, and I feel bad about that, especially when I get along well with everyone outside of this.

AITA?

Wow! Her family sounds a bit nosey.

Let’s see what advice the people over at Reddit have to say about this situation.

Here’s a good thought.

This person dealt with something similar.

As this person points out, some people can’t fathom how hard some people’s pasts can be.

Yes, the wife really does need to handle it.

This decision belongs to him!

If you thought that was an interesting story, check this one out about a man who created a points system for his inheritance, and a family friend ends up getting almost all of it.