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When you’re not married to someone you’re sort of half-in, half-out of their family and its customs. This can make things awkward as sometimes you really don’t know what to do about things.
What would you do if you had plans with your boyfriend, but his mom convinced him to change all of these plans?
Would you accept it, or would you feel hurt and question your relationship?
This person is grappling with how to handle a similar issue in this story.
Let’s read all the details.
AITA if I decide not to go to my BF’s oath taking ceremony?
A bit of context, my boyfriend and I have been dating for a decade. We’re high school sweethearts and we have introduced each other to our families.
Over the past three months, we discussed who would be attending his oath-taking ceremony.
Initially, his mom said she and his brother might come, but later, she said she, his sister, her child, and their nephew would come instead so they could tour around.
The planning has been a whirlwind.
Eventually, they all decided not to attend, and it was his mom who ultimately decided they wouldn’t go.
His sister and brother were too busy to attend and it was his mom who was pushing for them to go, not necessarily the whole family.
We verified this multiple times over the past few months.
After receiving confirmation from BF and his family that no one was coming, I booked a hotel for the two of us just a few days ago.
I even made an effort to look for the most affordable, comfortable, and nearest place to the venue.
I also planned a mountain climbing activity (which wasn’t a surprise, just something I organized) that BF agreed with.
She made the reservation well in advance.
Since the venue is a popular tourist spot and slots fill up quickly, I booked early with BF’s encouragement.
He explicitly told me he wanted me to be with him and assured me that his parents were too busy to attend, which his mom also confirmed.
However, just this morning, BF told me that he was able to secure only one guest ticket (which I had told him beforehand, since it’s the rule, and he said I would still be the one to accompany him)—and now his mom would be attending instead of me.
So her plans have hit a major snag.
He also told me to just wait for them outside the venue, even though the event lasts for at least 1 hour and 30 minutes and it’s cold outside.
On top of that, he said we’d no longer stay in the hotel I booked, and instead, we’d stay with relatives for several days (because we wanted to tour for a few days).
Originally, we did not want to bother their relatives.
Now his mom tells us to save money even if we already allotted a budget for it.
It gets even worse.
To make matters worse, on the day we were supposed to go mountain climbing, his mom plans to buy items for her one-time business, and he said he would accompany her instead.
I completely understand that family comes first, and I am just his girlfriend. But I can’t help feeling hurt and blindsided.
We had been planning this for months, and I made nonrefundable bookings based on our shared understanding.
She’s not sure what to do.
I’m now contemplating whether I should just wait outside the oath-taking venue, go to the hotel and go mountain climbing alone, or cancel everything entirely.
I don’t want to be a burden, but I also feel my efforts and feelings are being disregarded.
Sometimes plans change, but this situation is all the boyfriend’s mother’s fault for changing her mind at the last minute and the boyfriend’s fault for not standing up for his girlfriend and the plans they already made.
Here is what folks are saying on Reddit.
HUGE red flag.
“Not your back up plan” — I love that.
Huge Mama’s Boy alert.
Exactly. She sounds like a nice person.
That about sums it up.
She deserves better!
If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.